The Ugly Truth About Those Viral Baby Hazel Games
It was 4:13 PM on a Tuesday and I was wearing my husband Dave’s oversized college hoodie that smelled faintly of old garlic, holding a lukewarm mug of French roast that I had already microwaved three separate times. I was...
Why The Sore Loser Baby Phase Feels Like A Fatal System Error
7:14 PM. The structural integrity of the three-block tower has failed. My 11-month-old son, Leo, is staring at the fallen soft rubber cubes like they just insulted his ancestors. His face turns the color of a locally sourced Portland beet,...
Why that cheer up baby dailymotion search won't fix the crying
The glow of a smartphone screen at three in the morning is uniquely depressing. My son was doing that arched-back, red-faced screaming thing. I had a bottle in one hand, a pacifier clamped in my teeth, and I was frantically...
Why the "Bad Baby" Myth is Ruining Your Peace of Mind
I was sitting on the floor of my pantry, wedged between a fifty-pound bag of flour for my Etsy shop baking orders and the dog food bin, eating a stale strawberry Pop-Tart while my firstborn screamed his lungs out in...
Note to Self About That Backyard Bunny Incident We Barely Survived
Dear Priya from last April. You're currently standing frozen in the damp Chicago grass, holding a weed whacker in one hand and a half-eaten string cheese in the other. Your toddler is strapped to your back in the ergonomic carrier,...
Pinkfong Baby Shark: How to Survive the Doo-Doo-Doo Toddler Phase
I was wedged between a fifty-pound sack of flour and my bulk box of paper towels in the pantry, stress-eating a handful of stale Goldfish crackers, while the muffled sound of "doo doo doo doo doo doo" echoed through the...
Why The Trisha Paytas Baby Theory Actually Terrifies Modern Moms
The blue light from my phone screen was the only thing illuminating the nursery at two in the morning. The breast pump was doing its rhythmic, mechanical wheeze. My brain was operating on three hours of fractured sleep, which is...
My Complete Meltdown Over Petting Zoos and a Tiny Baby Donkey
It's exactly 10:14 AM on a Tuesday and I'm currently wedged between a rusty chain-link fence and a toddler who's vibrating with the kind of feral energy that usually precedes a trip to urgent care. My four-year-old, Leo, is violently...
Debugging the Meltdown: A Dad's Guide to Unsoothable Tears
My mother-in-law told me over FaceTime to just let him cry it out or I was going to spoil his lungs, whatever that means. The guy making my pour-over at the coffee shop confidently stated that my son was simply...