Why My Wife Wanted the 1980s Baby Shalini Haircut at Midnight
At 1:14 AM on a Tuesday, my wife shoved a glowing iPhone into my face displaying a grainy 1980s photo of a child with a perfectly symmetrical, brutally blunt bowl-cut bob. I was barely conscious, trying to reboot my brain...
Dear Past Tom: Surviving the Baby Saja Netflix Obsession
Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the battered grey sofa in our Islington flat, smugly sipping a lukewarm cup of PG Tips. The twins are peacefully napping, and you're thinking to yourself that you've finally...
The truth about rubber baby buggy bumpers and modern stroller safety
We were somewhere on Fullerton Avenue when the sidewalk just ended. It didn't taper off or gracefully transition into a crosswalk. It just turned into a crater of jagged concrete and exposed rebar, a true Chicago masterpiece. My toddler was...
Finding the Calm in the Chaos with a Sweet Baby James Lullaby
I was standing in my oldest son's nursery at 3:14 in the morning, wearing a nursing tank top that smelled strongly of sour milk and desperation, violently swaying back and forth. Three weeks prior, at my beautifully curated baby shower,...
Teething Nightmares, 90s Nostalgia, and the Vanilla Ice Ice Ice Baby
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and our kitchen floor was aggressively cold. Maya was six months old and shrieking like a tiny, angry banshee because her bottom left tooth was trying to break through her gums with the...
Surviving The Baby Boomer Age With A Toddler In Your House
I brought my aging parents to live with us in Chicago last winter. Don't attempt to merge decades of generational trauma and a teething toddler by just smiling and pretending you've unlimited emotional bandwidth. It was a Tuesday when I...
Why Watching Baby Boom As A Parent Feels Like A Personal Attack
Itβs 10:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the left side of my couch wearing college sweatpants that have a literal hole in the knee and a maternity bra that I havenβt actually needed for two years but...
The baby 2015 rulebook shift and why my mother is still appalled
My motherβs voice was echoing out of the iPad, bouncing off the kitchen tiles, and rising to a pitch usually reserved for discovering a burglar in the sitting room. I was holding a small, plastic spoon loaded with smooth peanut...
Analog QA Testing: Why I Replaced The Flashing Toys With Wood
It was exactly 3:14 AM when my bare heel made contact with the plastic singing cow. I was holding a half-asleep eleven-month-old, navigating the dark hallway by memory, when 180 decibels of synthesized banjo music erupted from the floorboards. The...