When Can Babies Hold Their Head Up

Dear Past Sarah,

You're currently sitting on the faded gray IKEA rug in the living room, the one that already has a weird stain on it from when the dog threw up last Tuesday. You're wearing Mark's old college sweatshirt—the maroon one with the frayed cuffs—and a pair of black leggings that definitely have spit-up on the left knee. You haven't washed your hair since... wait, what day is it? Thursday? Let's go with Thursday. You're staring down at Leo, who's currently face-first on his playmat, screaming into the fabric like he has been personally betrayed by the concept of gravity.

Your coffee, a lukewarm French roast with oat milk that has started to separate in a deeply depressing way, is sitting just out of reach. And you're furiously typing typos into your phone with one thumb. You're searching things like "how heavy is infant noggin" and "when do babie necks get strong" and "is it normal for my kid to look like a literal bobblehead."

I know exactly how you feel right now. You're terrified you're going to break him. You pick him up and his head just sort of lolls backward, and your heart jumps into your throat every single time. My aunt Brenda keeps commenting on Facebook photos asking "how is the sweet babi" and all you can think is, the babi is floppy, Brenda, he's so floppy and I'm so tired.

Anyway, the point is, I'm writing to you from the future. Leo is four now. Maya is seven. They both have extremely strong necks and use them to violently shake their heads "no" when I tell them it's time for bed. You will survive this. But since you're currently spiraling into a 3 AM internet panic hole, let's talk about the timeline, what the pediatrician actually said, and why you really need to stop stressing about the stupid tummy time mirror.

The bowling ball on a wet noodle phase

Those first few weeks are just an exercise in pure survival, honestly. A baby's head is completely disproportionate to their body. I remember taking Maya to her one-month checkup, and Dr. Miller, our pediatrician who always looks like he needs a nap himself, literally told me that a newborn's head is like a bowling ball balanced on a wet noodle. Which is horrifying imagery, thank you very much, but it made me feel a little better about my constant anxiety.

From what I understood through my sleep-deprived haze, they just have zero muscle tone in their necks at birth. None. You have to cradle the back of their head every single time you pick them up, put them down, hand them to your husband, or try to simultaneously burp them while reaching for the remote. Mark was always so casual about it. He'd just scoop Leo up with one hand like a football and I'd shriek from across the room, "SUPPORT THE NECK, MARK, OH GOD HIS NECK." And Mark would just look at me like I was insane. Husbands are annoying.

At this stage, you really just have to accept that they're fragile little potatoes. There's no rushing this. They're going to be floppy for the first month, and the only thing you can do is keep your hand firmly plastered to the base of their skull.

Shirts are the absolute enemy right now

Can we talk about the sheer panic of getting them dressed? Trying to pull a stiff, non-stretchy cotton shirt over a wobbly infant head is a specific kind of torture. You're trying to stretch the neck hole, while also holding their head steady, while they're crying, while you're sweating. It's a nightmare.

I threw out half of Maya's newborn clothes because I physically couldn't handle the stress of pulling things over her delicate little wet-noodle neck. This is why you need to invest heavily in clothes that actually accommodate the bobblehead phase.

My absolute holy grail for this was the Long Sleeve Organic Cotton Baby Bodysuit Soft Infant Key from Kianao. I'm not kidding when I say I bought six of these in the natural undyed color. The organic cotton is stupidly soft—like, softer than my own bedsheets—but the real magic is the lap shoulders. You don't even have to pull it over their head if you don't want to! You can pull it UP from their feet. And when you do pull it over their head, the shoulders stretch so wide that it easily clears their face without squishing their nose or making them panic. Plus, the fabric has just enough elastane that it doesn't get all baggy and weird after washing it eighty times, which you'll do, because blowouts are real and they're spectacular.

Tummy time is an actual torture device

Okay, so around one or two months, the doctors tell you to do tummy time. They act like this is a fun, bonding activity. "Just place them on their tummy and watch them explore!" Bull crap. Tummy time is hell.

You lay them down on the floor. They realize they're on the floor. They realize their face is mashed into the carpet. They try to lift their gigantic bowling ball head, fail miserably, and then they just scream. They scream with a level of rage that's honestly impressive for someone who only drinks milk.

I tried everything with Leo. I bought the high-contrast cards. I bought the water mats. I rolled up towels under his armpits. Sometimes it worked for like, two minutes, and then the screaming would resume. I was so anxious about him falling behind on his milestones because Instagram makes you feel like if your kid isn't doing full pushups by week six, they're never going to get into college.

But here's what Dr. Miller told me when I was crying in his office about it: tummy time doesn't just happen on the floor. When you lay back on the couch and put the baby chest-to-chest with you? That counts. They naturally want to lift their head to look at your face (or in my case, stare confusedly at my messy bun). When you carry them upright against your shoulder while you pace the living room at 4 AM? That counts. They're using those neck muscles to look around.

You really just have to integrate it into your life naturally, because setting a timer for "tummy time" and watching them cry is going to ruin your mental health.

(If you're looking to soften the blow of floor time, grab a nice soft blanket. You can browse some ridiculously cozy options in Kianao's baby blankets collection. At least if they're screaming face-down, they'll be screaming into premium organic fibers.)

The magical pushup phase

Sometime right around the three to four-month mark, assuming you haven't completely lost your mind yet, you'll put them on their stomach and suddenly they do this weird little cobra stretch. Like a tiny, angry reptile doing a 45-degree pushup.

It happens almost overnight. One day they're face-planting into the rug, and the next day they're resting on their forearms, lifting their chest, and looking around the room like they own the place. They finally have the strength to fight gravity.

This is when it actually starts getting fun. They can sit supported in your lap without their head lolling around like a drunk sailor. They start making eye contact from across the room. They start tracking the dog as he walks by. Their personality suddenly switches on because they can honestly see the world instead of just staring at the ceiling.

With great head control comes great chewing

Here's the catch, though. Once they can hold their head up and sit supported, they immediately use this new superpower to look around for things to put in their mouth. The teething phase overlaps with the head-control phase in a way that's incredibly inconvenient.

They'll chew on their hands and chew on your shoulder. They will chew on the strings of your hoodie. You will buy toys hoping they'll play with them, and they'll just gnaw on them.

I bought the Bunny Teething Rattle Wooden Ring Sensory Toy because it looked so beautiful. And honestly, it's beautiful. The crochet work is stunning and the untreated wood made me feel like an Earth Mother. But if I'm being perfectly honest? It was just okay for us. Maya played with it for a bit, but Leo just sort of chucked it across the room for the dog to sniff. It looks gorgeous sitting on a nursery shelf, and the materials are super safe, but it wasn't the magic cure for our teething woes.

What genuinely saved my sanity was the Squirrel Teether Silicone Baby Gum Soother. This thing was our holy grail. Because the whole thing is made of food-grade silicone, it has this perfect squishy-but-firm texture that Leo obsessed over. The little acorn detail was perfectly shaped to reach those sore gums in the back, and the ring shape meant he could seriously grip it with his chunky little four-month-old fists while holding his head up proudly. Plus, you can throw it in the fridge, which was a godsend on the days when his cheeks were bright red and he was fussy. I used to wash it in the dishwasher, which is my love language.

A quick note on the scary stuff

I feel like I've to mention this because I spent so much time worrying about it. Car seats and strollers.

When their heads are still wobbly, they sometimes fall asleep in the car seat and their little chin drops to their chest, and it looks terrifying. My immediate instinct was to buy one of those plushy insert pillows from Amazon to hold his head up. But my pediatrician basically yelled at me (in a nice way) not to do it.

Apparently, those aftermarket inserts are a huge suffocation risk and can mess up how the car seat straps work in an accident. The FDA has huge warnings about them. You really just have to make sure the car seat is installed at the correct recline angle—there's usually a little bubble indicator on the side. If the angle is right, their head shouldn't flop forward too badly. Just leave the extra pillows out of it. Seriously.

Also, if you hit four months and they still seem totally floppy and make zero attempt to lift their head, just call your doctor. Sometimes it's a minor delay, sometimes they just need a little physical therapy. Don't go down a WebMD rabbit hole at 2 AM. Just call the pediatrician. That's what you pay them for.

You're doing fine

So, Past Sarah. Drink your cold coffee. Wash your hair tomorrow. Let Mark hold the baby for an hour while you stare at a blank wall.

The bobblehead phase feels like it lasts for a decade when you're in it, but I promise you, by six months, they'll be holding their head completely steady, turning around to look at every single noise, and trying to hurl themselves out of your arms to grab a dirty sock off the floor.

You're going to miss the days when they just laid there. Kind of.

Ready to outfit your little one in clothes that won't make you panic during the floppy stage? Check out Kianao's full organic baby clothing collection before you read my messy answers to the questions you're probably Googling right now.

Answering your late-night panic searches

Is it normal for babies to hate tummy time?

Oh my god, yes. It's so normal. I used to think my kids were broken because they screamed the second their chest touched the floor. My doctor said it's basically like forcing someone to do planks when they've no core strength. It's hard work! Do short bursts, lay them on your chest, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you skip a day because you can't handle the crying.

When will they stop needing full neck support?

It's a gradual thing, not an overnight switch. Around 3 to 4 months, you'll notice you don't have to rigidly cup their skull every single second. But they won't have total, rock-solid control until closer to 5 or 6 months. I still kept a hand hovering behind Leo's head until he was like five months old, just out of sheer paranoia, but you'll feel them get stronger week by week.

Does babywearing count as tummy time?

According to my pediatrician, absolutely yes! When you wear them upright in a carrier, they're constantly using their neck and back muscles to adjust to your movements and look around. Plus, it keeps them off the flat back of their head. I lived in my baby carrier. Just make sure their face is visible and kissable, and their airway is clear.

What if my baby's head control seems delayed?

If they're 3 months old and completely "floppy" with no attempt to lift their head at all, or if they hit 4 months and still can't hold it up even a little bit when propped up, just call your pediatrician. Don't panic, but don't ignore it. Sometimes babies have low muscle tone and early physical therapy works absolute wonders. Better to ask and be told "it's fine" than to sit at home worrying yourself sick.

Can I use a boppy pillow to prop them up for tummy time?

Yeah, I did this a lot. You tuck the firm nursing pillow under their armpits so they're propped up a bit. It gives them a better view of the room so they get less mad about being on the floor. Just obviously stay right there with them so they don't slide down and get their face smushed into the pillow. Supervision is everything.