Why Pippi Lätzchen Saved Us from the Teething Drool Nightmare
I'm standing in my kitchen at 4:12 PM on a Tuesday in late November. I'm wearing my husband's oversized grey fleece that smells vaguely of stale coffee and desperation, and I'm holding my five-month-old son, Leo. He is screaming. Not...
Surviving the Night with a Baby Rassel: Why Simple Toys Win
The digital clock on the microwave glared at me in aggressive, glowing red numbers: 3:14 AM. I was standing barefoot in a puddle of something unidentifiable (let's optimistically call it water) while holding a screaming two-year-old who was currently producing...
Finding An August 3rd Beanie Baby: The Truth About Birthday Twins
It was exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was wearing Dave’s grey college track pants with a crusty spot of peach yogurt on the left knee, and I was literally locked in a high-stakes bidding war with a stranger...
When Your Baby Squirrel Is Good At Everything (Except Sleeping)
It was a Tuesday. 2:14 PM. I was standing in my kitchen wearing black leggings that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since the previous Thursday and a nursing bra that was basically just a loose suggestion of...
The Truth About Giving Your Baby Pickles for the Very First Time
It was August 2017, and we were in my brother-in-law’s backyard for a family barbecue. I was standing there, sweating through a stained maternity tank top that I absolutely should have retired three months prior, balancing a seven-month-old Leo on...
My Brother's Cry Baby Bubble Gum Gag Gift Caused a Full System Panic
My brother Dave stood in our kitchen holding a plastic tub shaped like a giant teardrop, grinning like he had just solved a complex algorithm. Dave is 28, works in crypto, and his entire frame of reference for human infants...
Lil Baby Fridayy - Forever Chords: The 2 AM Search Mix-Up
The biggest lie the parenting internet tells you is that you can safely operate a search engine while running on two hours of sleep and a lukewarm cup of yesterday's coffee. Let me paint a picture for you. It was...
The "Babi Chula Porn" Typo: A Warning to Sleep-Deprived Parents
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in the nursery rocking chair at 3:14 am, bathed in the harsh blue light of your smartphone while Twin A attempts to extract your left incisor with her surprisingly sharp...
The Truth About That Cute Baby Milo Keychain (And My Mom Guilt)
It was a random Tuesday in October, like, 2018 maybe? Maya was about seven months old, and we were sitting outside this aggressively hip coffee shop in Brooklyn—the kind where a basic iced oat milk latte costs seven dollars and...