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What I Actually Learned From The Mother Baby Nurse On My Worst Night
It was 4:12 AM and I was sitting on the cold hexagon tiles of my bathroom floor, leaking from literally everywhere. Maya was exactly four days old. My older kid, Leo, who was three at the time, was blessedly asleep...
Why The Baby Beluga Musician NYT Clue Destroyed My Sleep Entirely
The glowing rectangle of my phone was the only light in the nursery at 3:42 am last Tuesday. Twin A (Maya) was draped across my left shoulder like a heavily sedated sack of potatoes, occasionally whimpering and aggressively gnawing on...
My Chaotic Baby Gemini Hiking Story On The Ashlyn Peaks Trail
Whatever you do, please learn from my colossal screw-up and avoid attempting the south ridge trail at Ashlyn Peaks with a six-month-old Gemini strapped to your chest while wearing non-breathable Lululemon knock-offs, because it'll end in chafing and tears. Mostly...
What a Tiny Baby Lemur Taught Me About Motherhood and Survival
Don't, under any circumstances, let your highly impressionable four-year-old watch a nature documentary about the rainforest forty-five minutes before lights out, unless you want to spend the next two weeks of your life explaining why a baby lemur can't sleep...
The Truth About the Naked Baby Eco Trend (And Why We Tried It)
When I brought Leo home from the hospital four years ago, I received three distinct pieces of advice within a 48-hour window. My mother-in-law, Carol, stood in my living room holding a pair of microscopic fleece booties, insisting that if...
When Katie And Bill Consult Lawyer About Luna's Baby Custody
I'm up to my elbows in matched toddler socks—which is to say, exactly three pairs and forty singles—when I hear the TV blaring from the living room. My mom is visiting to help out, and she's got The Bold and...
What the Clairo Nepo Baby Drama Taught Me About Parenting
The internet wants you to believe the only way to give your kid a leg up in life is to be a multi-millionaire marketing executive who plays golf with record label CEOs. I know this because at 6:13 AM this...
When Do Dogs Lose Their Baby Teeth? A Twin Dad's Survival Guide
I stepped on it barefoot at exactly six in the morning. It was sharp, cold, and entirely unyielding, which naturally led me to assume I had discovered yet another rogue piece of plastic from the twins' supposedly tidied toy box....
The 3AM Google Search Disaster: A Baby Alien Sex Tape Incident
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm holding what can only be described as a glowing green piece of plastic covered in a thick, gelatinous layer of twin toddler saliva. My left eye is twitching in a rhythm that vaguely...