Baby Rompers Changed My Life: Why I Threw Away All My Infant Pants
Seven years ago, it's 3:14 AM. I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor of my daughter Maya’s nursery in a stained, oversized Nirvana t-shirt, weeping silently while trying to pull a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans over a bulging, blowout-level...
The Big Secret About Baby Conditioner With No Alcohol Labels
I'm currently sitting on a damp bath mat that smells vaguely of mildew, squinting at the tiny print on a plastic bottle while my four-year-old tries to make a pirate beard out of toxic-looking blue bubbles. He is my oldest,...
The Day a Snapless Sweater Romper Broke My Parenting Firmware
I'm standing in the incredibly cramped, dimly lit bathroom of a Stumptown Coffee on Belmont, holding my 11-month-old son suspended in mid-air like a ticking bomb. He has just experienced a Level 4 containment breach. The payload has escaped the...
Finding An August 3rd Beanie Baby: The Truth About Birthday Twins
It was exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was wearing Dave’s grey college track pants with a crusty spot of peach yogurt on the left knee, and I was literally locked in a high-stakes bidding war with a stranger...
Why I Stopped Entertaining My Baby (And What Happened Next)
I was sitting on my living room floor in a puddle of my own postpartum sweat, aggressively waving a black-and-white high-contrast flashcard in my oldest son’s face. He was eight months old at the time and violently uninterested, choosing instead...
Musselintücher Baby: A Tech Dad's Guide to Spit-Up Management
It was exactly 2:14 AM when I realized my understanding of fluid dynamics was fundamentally flawed. My son was only three weeks old at the time, and I was holding him upright after a feeding, armed with a highly-rated, incredibly...
That Terrifying Sound: When Babies Start Grinding Their Teeth
2:14 AM. A Tuesday. I was wearing a pair of my husband's college sweatpants that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since the Obama administration, clutching a lukewarm mug of yesterday's French press coffee—don't judge me, caffeine is...
Dear Past Me: Read This Before Buying An Infant Name Bracelet
Dear Sarah from six months ago. I know exactly where you're standing right now. It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and you're in the kitchen wearing Dave's gray Villanova hoodie with the mystery yogurt stain on the cuff. You're holding...
How I Found the Right Baby Back Ribs Done Temp for My Toddler
Smoke is stinging my left eye, my digital meat thermometer is flashing 145 degrees, and Sarah is holding our 11-month-old who's currently attempting to eat his own foot on the patio. The grill is hissing. My phone is buzzing with...