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The Reality of Dressing a Baby Without Losing Your Mind
Within forty-eight hours of bringing Leo home from the hospital, I received three completely contradictory pieces of advice about how to dress him. My mother-in-law hovered over his bassinet, clutching her coffee mug, aggressively whispering that he needed a fleece...
My Coffee Disaster and the Wild Reality of Sixty-Year-Old Parenting
My feet were literally sticking to the linoleum. It's 6:12 AM on a Tuesday, I'm wearing Mark's faded college hoodie that smells permanently like old milk and vague regret, and Maya is aggressively trying to shove a plastic triceratops into...
The Ridiculous Truth About Buying Baby Uggs For Your Newborn
November 2017. I was sitting at a crowded Starbucks on 4th street, wearing yoga pants that were definitely covered in spit-up, frantically wrestling a tiny, caramel-colored sheepskin bootie onto seven-month-old Maya's left foot for the eighth time in twenty minutes....
Surviving the Absolute Avalanche of Useless Newborn Baby Stuff
At 34 weeks pregnant, my wife and I entered a fugue state in a suburban retail park and bought a machine specifically designed to heat baby wipes to exactly 37 degrees Celsius. I remember standing at the till, handing over...
Why Looking Up Ice Ice Baby Lyrics At 3 AM Changed My Parenting
It was 3:17 in the morning, and my oldest was screaming with the kind of red-faced, breathless stamina that makes you seriously question your life choices. I was sitting on a cheap, half-deflated yoga ball in our drafty Texas farmhouse,...
When to Worry About RSV Symptoms Baby: A Dad's Survival Guide
Don't spend three hours scrolling through a parenting forum thread from 2014 about baby chest retractions while your daughter breathes like a tiny, congested pug on your chest. I did this on a Tuesday last November, and it resulted in...
The 3 AM Google Spiral: Early Signs of Autism in Babies
I'm sitting on the freezing bathroom tiles at 2:14 in the morning, bathed in the blue light of my smartphone, watching my daughter E repeatedly line up three plastic bath boats in absolute silence. In the next room, her twin...
What Three Wise Men and a Baby Gets Right About Real Parenting
My mom told me to keep him wrapped up tight in a heavy blanket so he wouldn't catch a draft. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, insisted he needed to "breathe" in the ninety-degree Texas heat and tried to strip him...
A Letter To My Past Self: When Do Babies Start Rolling Over?
Dear Tom of October 2022, You're currently sitting on the floor of the living room, drinking lukewarm instant coffee and staring at Florence and Matilda. They're roughly fourteen weeks old. They're on their backs. They have been on their backs...