Magazine
What Baby Justin Bieber Taught Me About 3 AM Survival
It was 3:17 AM, and I was wearing my husband Daveβs oversized college hoodie that smelled faintly of sour milk and complete desperation. Leo, who was exactly four weeks and two days old at the time, was doing that arching-back,...
Winter With Twins: A Freezing Dad's Guide to Infant Layering
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing in the narrow, draughty hallway of our Victorian terrace, sweating profusely through your jumper while trying to stuff Evie's left arm into a fleece-lined snowsuit. Isla is already dressed and currently...
The Reality of Fitting a Baby Grand Piano in a House with Toddlers
I'm currently on my hands and knees in the lounge, holding one end of a metal tape measure while Maya, who's two, tries to eat the other end. Her twin sister, Lily, is repeatedly smashing a wooden spoon against the...
Why the Baby Got Back Lyrics Actually Make Terrible Parenting Advice
2:14 AM. Tuesday. I'm wearing Dave's old college sweatpants with a mysterious, crusted-over yogurt stain on the knee, desperately bouncing a screaming three-week-old Leo while whisper-rapping the words to Sir Mix-a-Lot in the dark. You know the exact scene from...
Baby Got Back: Surviving Sleep Paranoia and Toddler Defiance
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen on day three of fatherhood to firmly insist that babies must sleep on their fronts, otherwise they'll choke on their own spit-up and perish before dawn. The NHS health visitor, who arrived three...
Why Every Baby Goat Myth You've Heard Is Probably Dead Wrong
I was standing in my kitchen at 6 AM on a Tuesday, staring at a cloudy mason jar my mother-in-law had just proudly slammed on the counter. "Raw goat milk," she announced, crossing her arms like sheβd just cured all...
Note to self at 2 AM: A pediatric nurse's guide to infant fevers
Dear Priya from last November. You're standing in the nursery, barefoot on the cold hardwood, and the radiator is hissing. You're holding a child who suddenly feels like a baked potato in your arms. Ten minutes ago you were mindlessly...
2AM Internet Spirals and the Tragic Baby Emmanuel Haro Case
It was exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the freezing cold kitchen tiles in Dave's faded Penn State hoodie, aggressively scrolling my phone. Leo, my four-year-old, was finally, mercifully asleep after waking up screaming because...
Why my baby due date calculator was a massive, statistical lie
The bathroom tile was unforgivingly cold against my bare feet, but I barely noticed because I was staring at a plastic stick with two faint blue lines, desperately stabbing at my phone screen. I had just Googled "baby due date...