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Reading Detransition Baby Changed How I Look at Modern Motherhood
I'm literally sitting on my hideous green velvet sofa at 5:43 AM, aggressively scrubbing a splotch of hardened spit-up off the crinkly plastic dust jacket of a library book. I'm wearing my husband Markβs oversized college sweatpantsβthe ones with a...
Did Simone Biles Have A Baby? Fake News & Intrusive Questions
My phone screen was the only source of light in the nursery, casting an eerie blue glow over Twin A's aggressively snotty face at fourteen minutes past three in the morning. I was trapped in that specific, hallucinatory layer of...
Why Don't You Want Me Like I Want You Baby? (The Clingy Phase)
I was standing at the kitchen island yesterday, attempting to eat a cold piece of toast while packing up a stack of orders for my Etsy shop, when my grandmother dropped the classic line she always reserves for moments of...
Why I Finally Stopped Stressing About Enfamil Baby Formula
The absolute biggest myth in modern parenting is that if you aren't illegally importing some $40-a-can organic goat's milk concoction translated from German on a sketchy third-party website, you're basically poisoning your child. I know this because seven years ago,...
Why the Baby Dijon Trend is the Most Honest Look at Parenthood Yet
I was sitting on my bathroom floor at 2 AM last Tuesday with my third kid, staring blankly at the grout lines while my phone sat in the sink to amplify the sound. I was listening to the new Dijon...
I Cried In A Baby Clothing Store, Then A Blowout Ruined My Haul
It was 3:14 in the morning, and the mustard-yellow explosion had breached the diaper, traveled up my firstbornβs back, and was making a steady, terrifying march toward his neckline. I was operating on maybe forty minutes of broken sleep, standing...
What The Baby Boom Years Actually Taught Me About Motherhood
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs half-bath. It's Tuesday, 4:13 PM. You're wearing those black maternity leggings that you definitely shouldn't still be wearing because Leo is four years old, and there's a...
The Fat Chinese Baby Meme Completely Changed How I Feed My Kids
It was 2:14 AM, and I was sitting in the nursery glider that aggressively squeaks every time I lean even a fraction of an inch to the left. My youngest, Beau, was half-asleep on my chest, and I was deep...
The 3 AM Fart Wars: Real Gas Relief For Miserable Babies
It's 2:14 in the morning. I'm wearing a stretched-out nursing bra that smells faintly of sour milk and desperation, sitting cross-legged on the nursery rug, furiously pumping my three-week-old son's legs like he's trying to win the Tour de France....