The Day I Cut My Baby's Teething Necklace and Never Looked Back
I was standing over Beauβs crib holding a pair of tiny nail clippers, trying to decide if I had the nerve to trim his razor-sharp little claws while he slept, when my stomach completely dropped to the floor. He was...
How to pick a baby's first doll without an airway panic attack
My mother-in-law handed me a beautifully wrapped box last Diwali. Inside was a rigid plastic nightmare with eyelashes you could cut steak with, wearing a tiny, removable pearl necklace. She smiled warmly, called it beta's new best friend, and told...
My Son's Vintage February 13 Plushie Almost Caused A System Crash
I was sitting on the floor of my home office, watching the Portland rain hammer against the window, when I unboxed a neon pink flamingo from 1995. My mother mailed the package to us last week. Apparently, Ty plush toys...
My Brother's Cry Baby Bubble Gum Gag Gift Caused a Full System Panic
My brother Dave stood in our kitchen holding a plastic tub shaped like a giant teardrop, grinning like he had just solved a complex algorithm. Dave is 28, works in crypto, and his entire frame of reference for human infants...
Did Ed Gein Kill The Baby Sitter? A Dad's Late-Night Search
11:43 PM. The glow of the television is casting a sickly blue light across our living room, illuminating an abandoned silicone teething ring and a half-drank bottle of formula. Sarah is asleep on the couch, her head resting at an...
The Absurd Reality of Hunting for a December 9 Beanie Baby
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Tuesday, holding a 1998 plush dragon by its tail like it was a dead rat. She informed me, with the solemnity of a war general, that placing any soft toy within a...
Why My Kid's Vintage Birthday Twin Toy Is Banned From The Crib
My wife Sarah caught me in the glow of my dual monitors at 2:14 AM, hovering my cursor over a "Buy It Now" button for a twenty-one-year-old stuffed tiger. I was holding our eleven-month-old in my left arm, furiously typing...
The Truth About Getting a December 15 Beanie Baby for Kids
My mother-in-law cornered me by the diaper pail on Tuesday morning. "You absolutely must get him the Ty toy with his exact birthday to keep in his crib," she announced, waving a screenshot from some Facebook collector's group. Three hours...
Why Most Baby Carriers Fail Dads and How We Finally Fixed It
Listen, I thought I was being a supportive, eco-conscious wife when I bought us a matching organic linen ring sling. It was a brisk April morning in Chicago, and I stood on our front porch watching Amit in the driveway....