How The Rapper Baby Kaely Totally Changed My Digital Parenting
It was Tuesday at exactly 4:38 PM, which, if you've children, you know is the absolute worst time of day. The witching hour. My four-year-old, Maya, was actively crying because her string cheese was "too stringy," and I was standing...
Why Don't You Want Me Like I Want You Baby? (The Clingy Phase)
I was standing at the kitchen island yesterday, attempting to eat a cold piece of toast while packing up a stack of orders for my Etsy shop, when my grandmother dropped the classic line she always reserves for moments of...
How To Say Hasta La Vista Baby Without Losing Your Mind
My right shoe was on. My left shoe was somewhere under the hallway console table. My ten-month-old had a death grip on my sweatpants, wailing like I was walking into a fire instead of just getting a routine dental cleaning....
How to Survive the Witching Hour Baby Meltdowns Without Losing It
My mother-in-law swore my son's evening screaming fits meant my breastmilk was literally too thin. The lactation consultant I paid two hundred dollars to see said he was cluster feeding and I just needed a better nursing pillow. A girl...
The Cocomelon baby shark meltdown and how we survived
It was a Tuesday at 5:15 PM, which in a Chicago November means it had been pitch black outside for an hour. I was standing in my kitchen, staring at an unpeeled onion, trying to figure out how to cook...
My Toddler Found a Baby Snake: The Ultimate Backyard Meltdown
Tuesday morning, 8:14 AM. I was wearing Daveβs gross gray sweatpantsβthe ones with the mystery bleach stain near the left knee that he absolutely refuses to throw awayβand balancing my third, heavily microwaved mug of coffee on my hip. Leo,...
Why My Wife Wanted the 1980s Baby Shalini Haircut at Midnight
At 1:14 AM on a Tuesday, my wife shoved a glowing iPhone into my face displaying a grainy 1980s photo of a child with a perfectly symmetrical, brutally blunt bowl-cut bob. I was barely conscious, trying to reboot my brain...
Surviving the Hell Baby Phase When You Are Running on Empty
The microwave clock says three in the morning, the only light in your kitchen is the green digital glow, and you're bouncing on a yoga ball so hard your knees ache while holding a rigid infant who sounds like a...
Exactly How Many Baby Mamas Does Elon Musk Have? A Mom's Guide
Dear Jess from six months ago: put down the phone and step away from the billionaire gossip. I know exactly what you're doing right now. You're sitting in the dark in that creaky rocking chair, elbow-deep in the smell of...