The Circus Baby FNAF Incident: Why My 7-Year-Old Stopped Sleeping
It was exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. I know this because the glowing red numbers of my alarm clock were practically burning a hole in my retinas. I was wearing my husband Daveβs old Villanova hoodieβthe one with a...
My Kid is Obsessed with Chiquita Baby Monster and I Am Tired
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, which in my house is basically the witching hour but with more aggressive demands for waffles. I was standing in the kitchen wearing a robe that distinctly smelled like old milk and failure,...
My Pediatric Triage Guide To Cheer Up Baby Without Going Crazy
My mother swore rubbing warm ghee on his feet would stop the screaming. The lactation consultant told me he was definitely cluster feeding and I just needed to nurse him for the fourteenth time that hour. Then my neighbor caught...
Why the voice remote caused a Sunday morning toddler meltdown
I was halfway through pouring a deeply inadequate cup of instant coffee when I heard the unmistakable, booming sound of a cinematic explosion coming from the living room. Let me set the scene: 6:14 am on a Sunday. I hadn't...
The Giant Swamp Rodent Trend Ruining My Perfectly Good Tuesday
We were in aisle seven of the Lincoln Park Target when a meltdown of epic proportions began. Not over a toy, and not over a snack. My son wanted the giant, terminally chill rodent he had seen on my phone...
Dear Past Priya: You Need a Busy Baby Mat to Survive Restaurants
Dear Priya from last October. You're currently sitting in booth three at the diner on Lincoln Avenue, pretending you aren't about to cry into your lukewarm coffee. Your six-month-old just threw his wooden teething ring onto the black-and-white tile floor...
Raising Little Bush Babies: The Wild Truth About Newborn Care
When I brought my first son home, the hospital sliding doors hadn't even closed behind us before the contradictory advice started rolling in. My own mother leaned over the infant car seat in the parking lot and declared I needed...
My Kids Discovered Britney Spears Baby One More Time (Oh God)
It was exactly 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in front of the coffee maker wearing my husband Dave's old Syracuse sweatpantsβthe ones with the mysterious hardened yogurt stain on the left kneeβwhen I heard it. Maya,...
Why the True Story of Brenda's Got A Baby Changed My Parenting
It was 3:14 AM. I know the exact time because I track every single one of my son's sleep disturbances in a spreadsheet, like some sort of deranged data analyst trying to find a pattern in pure chaos. I was...