The reality of raising millennial Shrek babies in a modern world
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last week to tell me that if I let my toddler watch animated ogres, he'll develop aggressive tendencies and start throwing onions at the dog. Ten minutes later, my millennial best friend texted...
Run Baby Run: The Messy Reality of Jogging With Your Kid
I'm wrestling a standard, rigid four-wheeled city stroller over a massive, gnarly tree root on a Tuesday morning at 7 AM. I'm wearing my black Lululemon leggingsβthe ones with the weird yogurt stain on the left thigh that I haven't...
What The Rick Ross Baby Mama Drama Taught Me About Co-Parenting
My mother-in-law insists that any dispute with an ex should be handled over a stiff cup of Earl Grey and a passive-aggressive biscuit, while the bloke who delivers our Amazon parcels reckons you should just block their number entirely and...
Raising Kids, Not Nepo Babies: A Rural Texas Mom's Reality Check
I'm sitting on the floor of my living room, staring at a literal mountain of brightly colored, battery-operated plastic garbage that my oldest child just received for his third birthday, and he's crying. I mean real, full-body, gasping-for-air sobs. Why?...
When Do Puppies Lose Their Baby Teeth? An Exhausted Mom's Guide
Yesterday at the feed store, old man Miller told me to just give our new mutt pup an old leather work boot to chew on and call it a day. Then I check my phone and my sister texts me...
The Real Baby's Day Out Cast Needs a Lot More Than Movie Magic
My mother-in-law told me to just toss him in the grocery cart basket with a knitted blanket and call it a day. The teenage checkout clerk at HEB confidently informed me that babies shouldn't leave the house until they're at...
The 2am baby wolf spider encounter that changed my parenting
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the London flat was entirely silent except for the rhythmic, congested breathing of Twin A, or possibly Twin B, since they frequently swap beds just to gaslight me. I was on a...
Do Babies Have Kneecaps? Surviving the Kitchen Tile Crawling Era
The sound of a two-foot-tall human slamming knee-first into Victorian ceramic tile is a noise that bypasses the eardrum and registers directly in the parent's soul. It's a wet, hollow thud that makes you instantly calculate the distance to the...
Why Dutch Baby Pancakes Actually Saved My Sanity on a Tuesday
It was 5:43 AM and I was wearing a pair of maternity leggings that I definitely should have retired in 2019. There was a weird crusty spot on the left knee that was either dried oatmeal or... actually, I don't...