System Failure: Searching for Baby Clothes Near Me in Portland
The sound was suspiciously similar to a ketchup bottle emptying its final contents, but we were miles from a diner and my eleven-month-old daughter was entirely too pleased with herself. We were at Mt. Tabor park, I was trying to...
Why The Uncle Richard Is My Baby Daddy Drama Actually Helps
It's 3:14 in the morning. One of the twins has inexplicably managed to lodge a rogue, rock-hard piece of toast behind the nursery radiator, and the other is performing a prolonged, operatic wail because our profoundly indifferent tabby cat looked...
System Meltdown: A Clueless Dad's Guide to Surviving Colic in Babies
I was bouncing on a half-inflated yoga ball at 140 beats per minute, frantically whispering "shhh" while my five-week-old son screamed so aggressively his face looked like a boiled lobster. My Apple Watch buzzed to congratulate me on my intense...
What's That Supposed to Be About Baby? Decoding Newborn Quirks
I was holding my iPhone flashlight over my daughter's bassinet at 3:14 AM, trying to see if her tongue was vibrating. She was making this rapid-fire clicking sound that sounded exactly like a dying hard drive. I had my other...
When Can You Feel Baby Move? The Real Truth About First Kicks
I was seventeen weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting in my Chevy Tahoe in the Target parking lot, aggressively jabbing myself in the stomach with two fingers. An app on my phone, which I really shouldn't have trusted to begin...
The Truth About the Baby Boomers Years and Grandparenting
I was standing over the kitchen sink, scraping congealed mac and cheese off a plastic plate with my fingernail, when I heard my mom tell my oldest, "Here you go, baby boo, let's just put a little extra blanket in...
Babies Breath: How Do Babies Breathe in the Womb & Real Life
"You just wait until they take their first breath out here," my mother-in-law told me at my baby shower, casually stirring her sweet tea. "Before that, they just hold it for nine whole months." Bless her heart, she was dead...
Backyard Baby Ducks: A Dad's Guide to Feathers, Fluff, and Chaos
If you've ever seen a cartoon or read a children's book, you probably think a baby duckβs default state is bobbing happily in a crystal-clear pond while eating breadcrumbs, which is exactly why I nearly short-circuited when my wife pointed...
The Brutal Truth About Frida Baby Gadgets from a Mom of Three
The biggest myth about bringing a newborn home isn't about the sleep deprivationβit's this weird internet lie that you're going to maintain your dignity while dealing with bodily fluids. Instagram shows you these beige, spotless nurseries where some glowing mother...