What a Baby Cheetah Taught Me About My Own Crawling Toddler
We were standing in front of the big cat enclosure at the Bronx Zoo last Tuesday. I was wearing my aggressively stained Lululemon leggings, holding a lukewarm cup of drip coffee that tasted faintly of pennies, while Leoβwho's four going...
Surviving The Boss Baby 2: A Parent's Deeply Unqualified Guide
Before we hit play on a Saturday afternoon, I received three entirely distinct pieces of advice about this film. My sister-in-law, who curates her childrenβs wooden toy collection by color, warned me it was corporate propaganda designed to rot the...
Why that hyper-realistic baby doll is a terrible idea for your kid
Listen. I was standing in my friend Maya's kitchen last Tuesday when she proudly unboxed a four-hundred-dollar reborn silicone infant for her two-year-old. The thing had hand-painted translucent veins, micro-rooted eyelashes, and the exact dead weight of a sleeping newborn....
When Do Babies Crawl? A Tech Dad's Guide to the Locomotion Update
My mom told me my younger brother was sprinting across the living room carpet at six months old. The barista at our local Portland coffee shopβwho has definitely never had a childβinsisted that his nephew didn't move an inch until...
The ugly truth about that baby alive doll hiding in your playroom
I'm standing over my kitchen sink at eleven at night with a pair of surgical tweezers, trying to extract a solid black clump of fermented synthetic cherry mush from the plastic esophagus of a toy. This is not how I...
Toxic glue and the truth about aesthetic baby holzspielzeug
I'm standing at the stove at two in the morning, watching a forty-dollar organic maple rattle slowly disintegrate in a pot of boiling water. The water is turning a suspicious murky brown. A smell like burning nail polish remover is...
Why I Stopped Overthinking Bausteine Kinder & Let Them Crash
It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the cold kitchen floor wearing Davidβs faded college sweatshirt that has a completely unidentified yogurt stain on the cuff, gripping a mug of lukewarm coffee like it's a literal life...
Ranking the best indoor jungle gym for toddlers as a new dad
My 11-month-oldβs left big toe was wedged firmly into the cooling vent of my PlayStation 5 while his right hand maintained a white-knuckle death grip on the edge of the media console. He was attempting to scale the living room...