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The Ultimate Survival Guide For Your First Baby Driver Car Experience
The asphalt in the hospital parking lot was basically melting my flip-flops, and I was sitting in a wheelchair sobbing while my husband wrestled with a massive hunk of grey plastic. It was July in rural Texas. Jackson, our firstborn,...
The 3 AM Plastic Crisis & The Truth About Baby Einstein Toys
It was 3:17 in the morning, November 2017, and I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized college sweatpants with an unidentified gray stain on the knee. I was doing that frantic, desperate bounce-sway dance with my four-month-old daughter Maya, who...
Searching for a Baby Girl Film? Read This First
My mom swears that propping me up in front of a Little Mermaid VHS was the only way she survived cooking dinner in 1993, my mother-in-law acts like a single tablet glow will instantly short-circuit a child's brain, and my...
The Terrifying Two-Hour Rule That Changed My Entire Parenting Paradigm
I was literally elbow-deep in the darkest, crumb-filled recesses of our gray sectional sofa, wearing my zombie-apocalypse sweatpants that had a questionable yogurt stain on the knee, while my daughter Maya was happily rolling around on the rug. She was...
Welcome to the Baby Baby Baby Echo Chamber of Twin Parenting
I was standing in our galley kitchen at 4:13 in the morning, holding an electric kettle that I hadn't bothered to plug in, staring blankly at the wall while a rhythmic, pulsing chant echoed from the monitor clipped to my...
The truth about baby aspirin for dogs: a total system failure
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently standing barefoot on the cold hexagon tiles of the upstairs bathroom, and the clock on your phone says it's 2:14 AM. Your golden retriever, Barnaby, is whining rhythmically and favoring his front...
Stop misusing aquaphor baby healing ointment on rashes
I slathered a thick layer of petroleum jelly onto my daughter's wet, bright red bottom at three in the morning thinking it would act like a fire blanket. I was entirely wrong. By the time the sun came up, her...
The Hilarious and Messy Truth About Raising a Cute Anime Baby
I was standing in my kitchen at two in the morning, aggressively peeling a sweaty, bright yellow, 100% polyester Pikachu costume off my screaming eight-month-old while the ending theme of some intense action show blared from the living room TV....
The Amber Heard Baby Daddy Mystery & My 3AM Google Rabbit Hole
It's exactly 3:14 AM. My 11-month-old son, who we'll refer to as Baby D to protect his future digital footprint, has decided that sleeping through the night is a legacy feature he no longer supports. I'm pacing the hardwood floor...