Get Set Baby: Why Over-the-Top Newborn Prep Meets 3 AM Reality
We were standing in the narrow hallway of our second-floor London flat, holding two incredibly heavy car seats containing two very small, very loud humans. It was raining, obviously. The boot of the Uber had just been emptied of a...
Brilliant Baby Shower Game Ideas That Won't Make Guests Flee
I'm sitting on a terribly uncomfortable velvet pouf in a semi-detached house in Richmond, watching my wifeβwho's thirty-four weeks pregnant with twins and currently harboring the pelvic stability of a Jenga tower in an earthquakeβpretend she enjoys sniffing a nappy...
Transporting a Three-Tier Boho Frosting Tower on I-5 at 15 MPH
The suspension on a 2016 Subaru Outback is surprisingly unforgiving when you've forty pounds of Swiss meringue buttercream buckled into the passenger seat. I was driving fifteen miles per hour down the shoulder of I-5 with my hazard lights flashing,...
The Baby Shark Song Lyrics Broke My Brain (A Dad's Log)
The dashboard clock of my Subaru says 3:14 AM. I'm driving aimlessly down I-84 in the pouring Portland rain, the heater blasting a smell of stale coffee and desperation. The only thing keeping the 11-month-old in the backseat from initiating...
Debugging Sleep, Typos, and the Baby Saja x Reader Incident
My thumb slipped off the glass screen of my phone at exactly 3:14 AM, smearing a streak of organic pear puree across the search bar while my 11-month-old daughter attempted to burrow her entire head into my left armpit. She...
The Great Spot Panic: When Your Infant Looks Like a Teenager
There's a very specific type of terror reserved for 4:17 am, illuminated solely by the aggressive blue light of an iPhone torch. I was standing over the Moses basket, holding a generic glass tumbler against my two-week-old daughterβs cheek, trying...
Finding a Nest in the Garden: A Warning About Infant Rabbits
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago. Right now, you're standing in the middle of the back garden holding a half-eaten Hobnob, wearing only one wellington boot, while your two-year-old twin daughters scream with a terrifying mixture of joy and...
Decoding Baby Quilt Dimensions When You Can't Put Them in a Crib
I'm sitting on the hardwood floor of our Portland apartment with a Stanley tape measure, surrounded by six different square-ish blankets, trying to categorize them by surface area. It's exactly three weeks after the baby shower. My wife, Maya, is...
Raising a Baby Queen: The Brutal Truth About Royal Parenting
At precisely 4:12 on a Tuesday morning, I found myself executing a deep, entirely unironic bow to a person who had just soiled herself up to the shoulder blades. My mother-in-law had visited the day before, bearing a rhinestone-encrusted tiara...