When Do Babies Start To Crawl? A Letter To My Clueless Past Self
Hey Marcus from six months ago. I know you're currently enjoying the stationary phase where you can set the kid down on the rug, go make an espresso, and return to find him occupying the exact same coordinate space. Enjoy...
I Love You Baby and If It's Quite Alright: A Portland Dad's Log
The humidifier is casting this eerie blue glow across the floorboards, it's 3:14 AM, and I'm currently swaying like a broken grandfather clock. My brain's cache is completely empty, and the only file I can seem to retrieve from my...
Brooke Shields Pretty Baby: A Dad's 3 AM Digital Privacy Spiral
The digital clock on the microwave said 3:14 AM. The rhythmic, tiny puffs of air from my 11-month-old daughter were hitting my collarbone like a metronome. She had finally stopped fighting her sleep cycle, her tiny system crashing after what...
The Ergo Baby Carrier: Surviving A Sweaty Central Line Meltdown
It was a Tuesday in late November, approximately 4:13 PM, and the Central Line carriage smelled faintly of damp wool, ozone, and my own big despair. I had one screaming twin strapped to my chest in a five-yard fabric wrap...
Why My Phone is Full of Blurry Baby Pictures (And What to Do)
My iCloud storage officially threw a fatal error at 2:14 AM on a Tuesday. I was standing in the pitch black of the nursery, balancing my eleven-month-old sonβs disproportionately heavy head against my collarbone, while frantically trying to delete cached...
Why I Let a Baby Name Generator Pick My Kid's Name
I was staring at a shared Google Sheet at two in the morning when I realized our entire naming protocol was fundamentally broken. My mother had just called to advise us to pick something "biblical but not weird," whatever that...
The "Baby Jane" Effect: Surviving the Psychological Thriller of Par...
It's 3:14 AM, the nursery is exactly 69.4 degrees according to my three separate thermometers, and outside my window, the Portland rain sounds like static. I'm sitting cross-legged on the rug, barely breathing, watching the chest of my 11-month-old daughter...
Why the Kayla Vesia Baby News Broke My Brain as a New Dad
It was 3:17 AM. My 11-month-old was finally asleep, doing that weird starfish pose that aggressively takes up eighty percent of the crib real estate. The room smelled faintly of diaper cream and exhausted desperation. I was sitting on the...
The gloriously absurd reality of making a test tube baby in your 30s
"So," my Great-Aunt Maureen leaned in over a plate of increasingly stale buffet sandwiches at a family wedding, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Are they test tube babies?" I looked down at my twin girls, who were currently...