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How to survive the kinderzimmer einrichten phase without losing it
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant when I sat on the bare floor of our second bedroom in Chicago and cried over the smell of a dresser. We had just assembled a suspiciously cheap piece of nursery furniture I bought online....
The Absolute Madness of Putting a White Baby Tee on an Infant
We're twenty minutes into what was supposed to be a civilized Sunday picnic in Regent's Park. I'm holding a lukewarm flat white, desperately trying to project an aura of calm competence. Florence and Matilda, my two-year-old twins, are wearing identical,...
That 3 AM Nightmare: Surviving a Wunder Po bei Babys at Home
3:14 AM. A Tuesday. I'm standing in the nursery wearing Dave's ridiculously oversized Villanova sweatpants with a mysterious yogurt stain on the knee, and ten-month-old Maya is screaming like I'm trying to actively murder her. It wasn't her normal "I'm...
Why buying boys dress pants is a specific kind of modern torture
I'm currently wedged next to the sanitary bin in the disabled toilet of a twelfth-century Surrey church, sweating completely through my only clean wedding suit, attempting to wrestle a screaming two-year-old into a pair of miniature, fiercely rigid navy slacks....
The truth about newborn teething rings and endless drool
"Just rub a little bit of whisky on her gums, thatβs what we did with you," my dad suggested, watching Mabel gnaw furiously on her own fist at a Sunday roast. "No, you need a Baltic amber necklace, but only...
My Sweaty Journey to Find the Best Cooling Blanket for Babies
It's three in the morning in mid-July. The ancient window AC unit in my Chicago apartment is rattling like a dying lawnmower, and my toddler is plastered to my left side. He feels like a baked potato fresh out of...
Debugging Your Kid's Wardrobe: The Ultimate Graphic Baby Tee
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I had seventeen browser tabs open, deeply confused about how the internet works. Leo, my 11-month-old son, had finally entered a sleep cycle that didn't involve him kicking me in the ribs,...
The Truth About Newborn Onesies (And What You Actually Need)
It's 3:14 AM in November of 2017. Maya is exactly three weeks old. I'm wearing a milk-stained nursing bra, one single maternity sock because I lost the other one in the hallway, and I'm holding a mug of coffee that...
The Absurd Reality of Buying Newborn Outfits for the First Time
It's 4:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm actively wrestling a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans onto a creature that has the structural integrity of a warm Yorkshire pudding. This was my grand introduction to the greatest myth of...