Why My Husband's Tactical Baby Carrier Actually Drives Me Crazy
"You're going to overheat that poor child in that bulletproof vest," my mom announced from the kitchen island, staring at the massive olive-green rig strapped to my husband's chest. Not five minutes later, his hunting buddy Mike texted him a...
What Thalidomide Babies Taught Us About The Placenta Firewall
I was standing in aisle 14 of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer at 9 PM on a Tuesday, aggressively squinting at the back of a ginger supplement bottle while my pregnant wife dry-heaved in the passenger seat of our Subaru. She...
Why That Baby Star They Regret Losing Drama Wrecked My Sleep
The blue light from my cracked iPhone screen was violently illuminating the dried spit-up on my shoulder, and the microwave clock in the kitchen read exactly 3:14 AM. I was pinned under an eighteen-pound milk-drunk four-month-old, my legs were entirely...
Why Gladys the Cincinnati Zoo Gorilla Is My New Parenting Hero
It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was wearing my husband Markβs college lacrosse hoodie that smells faintly of old garlic, and I was staring at a gorilla on my phone while my coffee went completely cold. Like, literally...
What the Dijon Baby Album Got Right About New Parent Anxiety
It was 2:13 AM, and my husband was sitting on the edge of the bathtub just staring at the tile grout while our oldestβwho's basically a walking cautionary tale for why you shouldn't blindly trust anything you read in a...
Uncle Richard Is My Baby Daddy Dailymotion & Your Baby's Sleep
It's 2:14 in the morning. The house is dead quiet, except for the cicadas outside and the faint, tinny sound of a grown woman screaming "You lied to me!" coming from my iPhone speaker. I'm pinned under my youngest, who...
The Absolute Truth About What A Baby Booter Actually Means
It's 3:14 AM. I'm wedged between a cot and a towering pile of unsorted laundry, typing with my less dominant thumb while one of the twins uses my left shoulder as a surprisingly absorbent drool rag. I'm simply trying to...
What is a sugar baby: How one google search ruined my afternoon
I was sitting on my faded living room rug, picking dried oatmeal out of my hair, while my toddler chewed thoughtfully on a rogue cheerio he found beneath the radiator. It was a bleak Tuesday afternoon in Chicago. I had...
What Is a Trust Fund Baby? Building Real Wealth for Your Kids
I was sitting at my kitchen table last Tuesday, sorting through a chaotic stack of shipping labels for my Etsy shop, when I caught my oldest son trying to feed a twenty-dollar bill to the dog. This is the same...