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The actual nepo baby meaning for severely sleep-deprived parents
My mother-in-law confidently informed me over a lukewarm cup of Earl Grey that it was a highly contagious viral rash sweeping through the North London nurseries. The barista at our local overpriced coffee shop swore it was a new developmental...
The V1.0 Stroller Bug: Why My First Hardware Purchase Failed
It's 43 degrees, pouring that specific sideways Portland rain, and I'm violently kicking the back left wheel of a $900 piece of baby gear while my wife Sarah watches from the passenger seat of our Honda Civic. This was my...
What I got totally wrong about the baby monitor as a pediatric nurse
It's three in the morning and I'm digitally zooming in on a pixelated chest, holding my own breath to see if my son is taking his. I spent five years on the pediatric floor at a Chicago hospital, managing central...
What I Got Completely Wrong About My First Baby Bouncer Seat
It was a Tuesday at like, 2 PM, and I was sitting on the damp bath mat in my tiny apartment bathroom, wearing a stained gray nursing bra and exactly one sock. Leo was three and a half weeks old....
Dear Past Marcus: You Need a Baby Bjorn Bouncer Immediately
Past Marcus, it's me. You from six months in the future. You're currently standing in the kitchen of our Portland apartment at 3:14 AM. The baby is five weeks old. It's raining outside, obviously. You're trying to rock him while...
The Great Gerber Baby Myth and The Reality of Infant Parenting
I'm currently staring at a smear of what I think is pureed sweet potato on my kitchen ceiling. I don't know how it got up there. My son is eleven months old, sits exactly thirty-two inches below that spot in...
Why that classic seated baby walker is actually a terrible idea
Last Diwali, my mother-in-law cornered me near the samosas with a brightly colored plastic catalog she had acquired from god knows where. She flipped to a dog-eared page and pointed to a massive plastic saucer surrounded by wheels and covered...
What I Wish I Knew Before Buying That Magical Baby Swing
It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of Target maternity leggings from 2014 that smell aggressively like sour milk, holding a lukewarm mug of yesterday’s coffee, just absolutely paralyzed while...
The Only Things You Actually Need For A New Baby (And What To Skip)
"You absolutely need the wipe warmer," my sister-in-law hissed across the table, leaning in like she was giving me state secrets. "If a cold wipe touches that baby's bottom, you'll never sleep again." "Don't buy anything," my hippie neighbor countered...