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The myth of the peacefully occupied infant (and how to survive a bu...
I currently have one foot planted firmly on a rogue piece of Tupperware, while the other is trying to gently slide a half-eaten rice cake out from under the sofa before the dog finds it. The twins, at two years...
The Great Naked Baby Rebellion: Surviving Twin Toddler Nudity
It's 7:14 AM, and the unmistakable sound of bare feet slapping against the cold hardwood floor echoes down the hallway. I'm standing near the radiator holding a pair of tiny corduroy trousers that cost more than my first car, watching...
The Oh Baby Illusion And The Messy Reality Of Your First Year
I was standing in the kitchen at half-past three in the morning, staring blankly at the leftover winnie the pooh baby shower invitations still pinned to our fridge. They were beautiful, really. Pristine cardstock, muted pastel colours, a delicate little...
Watching Three Men And A Baby At 3AM Will Not Calm Your Nerves
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the sofa in the pitch dark. It's 3:14 AM. You have one twin asleep on your left shoulder, drooling a thick, milky substance onto your only clean t-shirt, and the...
Dear Past Tom: The chaotic truth about cooking meals for babies
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently standing in the kitchen at two in the afternoon, wearing a jumper that smells faintly of sour milk, staring at a blender full of steamed sweet potato. You have a very specific,...
The Brutal Reality of Mixing Tiny Puppies and Newborn Twins
I'm standing in our narrow London hallway, holding a slightly stiff hospital blanket that smells intensely of NHS-grade floor cleaner and sheer panic. Page 47 of a highly-rated parenting manual told me I should present this artifact to our terrier...
What a Wild Baby Chimp Taught Me About Raising Twin Toddlers
I'm currently lying flat on the rug in our London living room, staring at a patch of ceiling that desperately needs painting, while someone repeatedly hits my left shin with a plastic spatula. Twin A (Isla) is shrieking because her...
Note to past Tom: Getting the baby brezza sterilizer sorted
Dear Tom of six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're standing in the kitchen in your oversized grey joggers, staring bleary-eyed into a rolling boil of tap water on...
The Great Flatlay Disaster: Twin Baby Announcement Ideas
The ultrasound gel was alarmingly cold, but that wasn't what made me stop breathing. It was the sudden, incredibly protracted silence from Janet, the NHS sonographer who had been cheerfully chatting about her spaniel just moments before. She squinted at...