How Long to Smoke Baby Back Ribs Without Ruining Saturday
It was 5:42 PM on a Saturday in July, and I was sweating through a gray tank top that already had a suspicious smear of Sweet Baby Ray's on the hip. My husband was standing on the patio, staring into...
When Do Dogs Lose Their Baby Teeth? A Twin Dad's Survival Guide
I stepped on it barefoot at exactly six in the morning. It was sharp, cold, and entirely unyielding, which naturally led me to assume I had discovered yet another rogue piece of plastic from the twins' supposedly tidied toy box....
The 3AM Google Search Disaster: A Baby Alien Sex Tape Incident
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm holding what can only be described as a glowing green piece of plastic covered in a thick, gelatinous layer of twin toddler saliva. My left eye is twitching in a rhythm that vaguely...
The Best Evo Baby Dragon Decks for Sleep-Deprived Parents
There's this massive, completely unhinged myth in the parenting space that the absolute second you bring a newborn home from the hospital, your smartphone suddenly becomes this pristine, educational tool used exclusively for tracking ounces of breastmilk and playing white...
Why bringing a baby tortoise into a toddler home is a terrible idea
It's 2:14 AM and I'm standing in my living room using a digital meat thermometer to measure the ambient soil temperature of a wooden box. Inside this box is a creature roughly the size of a rich tea biscuit that...
Surviving the Chaos of Smoking Baby Back Ribs With Toddlers
It was 4:13 PM on the Thursday before Memorial Day, and I was wearing my absolute favorite, completely impractical white linen top from Zara. I don't know why I wore white. It was an act of extreme hubris. My husband,...
What I Wish I Knew Before Googling Dwarf Baby Tears
Dear Sarah of November 14th, currently sitting on the cold bathroom tile at 3:17 AM in yesterday's yogurt-stained Lululemon leggings. You have your phone in one hand and a screaming four-month-old Leo in the other, and you're desperately typing things...
That Cute Little Green Alien Herb is Definitely Not for Kids
I was standing in line at H-E-B last Tuesday, wrestling my squirming two-year-old on my hip while trying to order a baby shower gift for my cousin on my phone. She is completely obsessed with that Mandalorian show, so I...
When Can You Finally Stop Burping Your Baby? A Mom's Honest Story
I remember sitting in the dark in the rocking chair that squeaked every time I leaned back, aggressively patting my oldest son's back like I was trying to dislodge a stuck vending machine snack. It was probably 3:14 AM on...