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Baby Alien Erome: Surviving The Extraterrestrial Phase
The most insidious lie peddled to expectant parents isn't that you'll eventually sleep again, or that you'll somehow maintain your pre-baby social life (you won't, and honestly, staying in is cheaper anyway). The biggest myth is that newborns arrive looking...
The "asa baby monster" Google Trap: A Guide to Actual Toddler Chaos
There I was, at 3:14 am on a Tuesday, blinking at my glowing phone screen while Twin A rhythmically headbutted my collarbone. I had simply wanted to buy a cute, slightly terrifying novelty onesie for Halloween. I typed what I...
How To Survive An Angry Baby When You Are Losing Your Mind
My mother-in-law told me I was holding him too much and he was already "manipulating" me at four months old, which, like, how? My favorite Facebook mom group told me his root chakra was blocked and I needed to rub...
1000 Babies Review: Surviving The First Thousand Days of Chaos
I'm currently watching my four-year-oldβthe child I swear is my living, breathing cautionary tale for what happens when you read too many parenting blogsβtry to lasso our basset hound with a phone charger. Meanwhile, my youngest is mashing an unidentified...
Why Ms Rachel Works Like a Glitch in My Baby's Brain
The production database locked up at exactly 4:13 PM on a Tuesday, which was incidentally the exact moment my eleven-month-old decided his incoming lateral incisor required a decibel level usually reserved for jet engine testing. Outside, the Portland rain was...
My Very Messy Experience With MegaFood Supplements For Mom And Baby
It was a random Tuesday in November, roughly 7:14 AM, and I was standing in my horribly lit downstairs guest bathroom wearing exactly one sock and a wildly oversized promotional t-shirt with a mustard stain on the hem. I was...
The Honest Truth About Quantum Physics for Babies
Yesterday at 4 AM, I found myself trying to explain the Bohr model of the atom to a human who had just thrown up on my slippers. He was gnawing on the corner of a board book about electrons. The...
The Terror Of Hyper-Realistic Dolls (And What Actually Works)
The woman at the Tesco checkoutβher name badge said Sandra, and she looked like she'd already had a very long Tuesdayβwas staring at my left hand with the specific, wide-eyed horror usually reserved for hostage situations. I was currently trying...
The Panic-Sweat Guide: Explaining How Babies Are Actually Made
It was a Tuesday morning, exactly 8:14 AM, and I was standing in line at our local bakery wearing a pair of black leggings that I hadn't washed since the weekend. I was holding a terrifyingly hot Americano in one...