Magazine

A tired father looking confused at his newborn baby wrapped in an organic blanket.

Baby Alien Erome: Surviving The Extraterrestrial Phase

The most insidious lie peddled to expectant parents isn't that you'll eventually sleep again, or that you'll somehow maintain your pre-baby social life (you won't, and honestly, staying in is cheaper anyway). The biggest myth is that newborns arrive looking...

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A tired dad holding a plush monster rattle while a toddler climbs his leg

The "asa baby monster" Google Trap: A Guide to Actual Toddler Chaos

There I was, at 3:14 am on a Tuesday, blinking at my glowing phone screen while Twin A rhythmically headbutted my collarbone. I had simply wanted to buy a cute, slightly terrifying novelty onesie for Halloween. I typed what I...

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Exhausted mom holding a screaming furious infant in a messy living room

How To Survive An Angry Baby When You Are Losing Your Mind

My mother-in-law told me I was holding him too much and he was already "manipulating" me at four months old, which, like, how? My favorite Facebook mom group told me his root chakra was blocked and I needed to rub...

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Jess holding a baby in rural Texas while folding a massive pile of laundry

1000 Babies Review: Surviving The First Thousand Days of Chaos

I'm currently watching my four-year-oldβ€”the child I swear is my living, breathing cautionary tale for what happens when you read too many parenting blogsβ€”try to lasso our basset hound with a phone charger. Meanwhile, my youngest is mashing an unidentified...

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A stressed dad holding a tablet showing a children's video to a baby

Why Ms Rachel Works Like a Glitch in My Baby's Brain

The production database locked up at exactly 4:13 PM on a Tuesday, which was incidentally the exact moment my eleven-month-old decided his incoming lateral incisor required a decibel level usually reserved for jet engine testing. Outside, the Portland rain was...

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Mom holding a coffee mug and staring at a bottle of prenatal vitamins on the bathroom counter.

My Very Messy Experience With MegaFood Supplements For Mom And Baby

It was a random Tuesday in November, roughly 7:14 AM, and I was standing in my horribly lit downstairs guest bathroom wearing exactly one sock and a wildly oversized promotional t-shirt with a mustard stain on the hem. I was...

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A tired mother watching her baby chew on a physics board book.

The Honest Truth About Quantum Physics for Babies

Yesterday at 4 AM, I found myself trying to explain the Bohr model of the atom to a human who had just thrown up on my slippers. He was gnawing on the corner of a board book about electrons. The...

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A confused toddler poking a highly realistic silicone doll.

The Terror Of Hyper-Realistic Dolls (And What Actually Works)

The woman at the Tesco checkoutβ€”her name badge said Sandra, and she looked like she'd already had a very long Tuesdayβ€”was staring at my left hand with the specific, wide-eyed horror usually reserved for hostage situations. I was currently trying...

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Exhausted mom drinking coffee while a toddler points at a pregnant belly

The Panic-Sweat Guide: Explaining How Babies Are Actually Made

It was a Tuesday morning, exactly 8:14 AM, and I was standing in line at our local bakery wearing a pair of black leggings that I hadn't washed since the weekend. I was holding a terrifyingly hot Americano in one...

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