Magazine
My chaotic journey with johnson and johnson baby powder
I'm currently staring at a pristine, vintage-looking white bottle that my mother-in-law managed to smuggle into our London flat like highly illegal contraband. She placed it next to the nappies with a conspiratorial wink, whispering that the twins "needed to...
Raising a Jimbo Boss Baby: Firmware Updates for Heavy Infants
The blue line on the pediatricianβs monitor shot up into the top right quadrant like a server load graph during a DDoS attack. I adjusted my glasses. My wife shifted in her chair. Our 11-month-old son sat on the examination...
Why The Gossip About Jayson Tatum's Family Misses The Real Point
It's 6:13 AM, and I'm currently using a damp wipe to scrape what I desperately hope is mashed banana off my left kneecap while scrolling through basketball gossip on my phone. One of the twins has decided that 6 AM...
The jason lee and tiffany haddish baby rumour broke my brain
Whatever you do, don't look at celebrity Instagram accounts at three in the morning while one of your two-year-olds is actively trying to dismantle a stair gate with a plastic spoon. I made this massive mistake last August, which is...
Troubleshooting the 3 AM Baby Glitch and Other Night Terrors
My thumb was hovering over the backspace key at 3:14 AM, the harsh blue light of my phone screen illuminating the spit-up crusted on my shoulder. I had managed to type exactly six letters into the search bar with my...
The real truth about ivf babies disadvantages and infant health
I'm staring at a glowing phone screen at 4:13 a.m. while one of my two-year-old twin daughters uses my left kidney as a trampoline. Years ago, long before these tiny terrors existed, I was staring at the exact same screen...
Dear Past Tom: The Utter Chaos of Choosing Italian Monikers
Dear Past Tom (specifically, the deeply naive version of me from roughly six months ago who confidently volunteered to help my sister-in-law pick out an Italian moniker for her upcoming arrival), You're currently hunched over a lukewarm flat white in...
My 3 AM Deep Dive Into the Island Boy Baby TikTok Drama
My phone brightness was turned down to one percent, but it still felt like staring into the sun. It was 3:17 AM. My 11-month-old son was asleep on my chest, entirely dead weight, snoring faintly with his mouth hanging open....
The Unfiltered Truth About Picking Authentic Celtic Baby Names
I was sitting in the cracked vinyl chair at Dr. Miller's office last Tuesday, bouncing a fussy ten-month-old on my hip, when the triage nurse popped her head out the door and yelled, "See-oh-bann? Is there a See-oh-bann?" A poor,...