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Finding the Best Adult Bibs for Dignity at the Dinner Table
The gravy hit her white silk blouse before I even had a chance to drop my fork. I'm sitting there at Sunday dinner, wedged between a screaming toddler and my grandmother, watching a massive brown stain spread right across her...
Analog QA Testing: Why I Replaced The Flashing Toys With Wood
It was exactly 3:14 AM when my bare heel made contact with the plastic singing cow. I was holding a half-asleep eleven-month-old, navigating the dark hallway by memory, when 180 decibels of synthesized banjo music erupted from the floorboards. The...
Letter to Past Marcus: Baby Rattlesnakes & Other Terrors
Hey Marcus from six months ago. It's me, future Marcus. You're currently sitting in the dark at 3:14 AM, the retina display of your phone burning a hole in your exhausted corneas because you tried to Google "best wooden baby...
Why Miniature Denim is a Parenting Glitch You Need to Patch
My wife Sarah walked into the nursery, took one look at Leo, and sighed. I had him pinned to the changing table, sweating through my t-shirt, trying to secure a metallic snap on a pair of rigid, miniature denim trousers....
My honest guide to receiving blankets versus swaddles at 2 AM
I was aggressively stuffing those white and pink-striped hospital blankets into my duffel bag while my husband stood by the door acting as a lookout. I was a pediatric nurse for five years before having my son. I knew exactly...
The Truth About Baby Sleepwear When Everyone Has an Opinion
"Put a hat on him, he's freezing," my mother-in-law said, handing me a knit cap that looked like an oversized acorn. This was at 2 PM. At 4 PM, my lactation consultant visited, took one look at Leo swaddled in...
Surviving the baby markt: what I bought versus what actually works
The screen brightness is turned all the way down to a sliver, but it still burns my retinas. It's 3:14 in the morning. I'm trapped under a sleeping ten-pound dictator who will wake up if I shift my left leg...
The Great Baby Spielzeug Overload: Surviving the Toy Avalanche
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was performing what I thought was a routine diaper exchange protocol in the dark when my left heel made contact with a singing plastic farm animal. I don't know what kind...
The parking lot panic and the truth about keeping kids safe
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're sitting in the back of your Honda CR-V in the Target parking lot on Elston Avenue. The doors are locked. The engine is running. You're sweating through your grey scrub top. You just...