Magazine
That Viral Donkey Game Is Ruining My Search History
I was pumping at three in the morning in my dark Chicago apartment, half-asleep, trying to find a specific wooden animal push-toy my mother-in-law swore was the secret to getting my toddler to walk. I typed what I thought was...
Dear Past Me: Do Not Let Your Kid Touch That Tiny Wild Reptile
Dear Sarah of last May. You're currently standing on the muddy shoulder of the Wissahickon creek trail, balancing a tepid Yeti mug of dark roast on your yoga pants-clad knee, utterly paralyzed. Leo is pointing a grubby four-year-old finger at...
My Toddler Found a Baby Snake: The Ultimate Backyard Meltdown
Tuesday morning, 8:14 AM. I was wearing Daveβs gross gray sweatpantsβthe ones with the mystery bleach stain near the left knee that he absolutely refuses to throw awayβand balancing my third, heavily microwaved mug of coffee on my hip. Leo,...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging the First Baby Smash Cake
I'm currently using a plastic putty knife to scrape hardened Greek yogurt off the kitchen baseboards. It's 10:43 PM on a Saturday. The baby is finally asleep, though his hair still smells faintly of mashed bananas and damp sponge. So,...
Dear Exhausted Jess: What I Wish I Knew About Bamboo Baby Sleepers
You're sitting on the edge of the glider at 2:14 AM, staring at the baby monitor like it's a crystal ball that might magically reveal why the baby just woke up for the fourth time since midnight. Your coffee from...
Why Your Strict Baby Sleep Schedule Is A Complete Disaster
It was three in the morning on a Tuesday, and I was rage-scrolling a spreadsheet I had color-coded for my six-week-old son's naps. He was in the bassinet next to me, screaming like I had just insulted his ancestors, completely...
The Messy, Exhausting Truth About Getting Your Baby to Sleep
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting frozen on the floor of the nursery, holding my breath because my knee had just popped. I knew if my oldest son, Leo, heard that tiny joint crack and...
The brutal truth about baby shows: Expos, screens, and survival
Listen. I was thirty-four weeks pregnant, my ankles were swelling over the tops of my sneakers, and I was standing in the middle of McCormick Place in downtown Chicago. A very enthusiastic woman with a microphone was trying to sell...
Searching for Baby Shower Venues Near Me Without Going Broke
I was exactly twenty-nine weeks pregnant with my oldest, sweating entirely through a polyester maternity dress in the lobby of a local country club that smelled heavily of floor wax and old money. The event coordinator, bless her heart, was...