Magazine

A locked safe box sitting next to a baby monitor on a wooden table.

The Late-Night Google Search That Broke My Brain

It was 11:42 PM on a Tuesday, and I was frantically debugging my son's upcoming Halloween costume from the faint glow of my phone screen while he slept in the next room. He's 11 months old now, which means he's...

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A close up of a spiky black and orange baby lady bug on a green leaf

What I Learned After Panicking Over Baby Lady Bugs

Whatever you do, please don't scream, snatch your eleven-month-old up like a football, and attempt to aggressively stomp a tiny, spiky, black-and-orange alien insect into the damp Portland mud while wearing your only clean pair of socks. I executed this...

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Toddler holding an orange bucket near a muddy pond in rural Texas.

Why Bringing Home a Tiny Wild Bass is a Terrible Idea

There was a bright orange Home Depot bucket leaking murky, foul-smelling swamp water onto my kitchen tile, and my four-year-old, Beau, was standing over it like he’d just discovered gold. I had a baby on my hip, a load of...

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A bewildered dad looking at an 11-month-old baby covered in green pesto.

The Great Baby Pesto Disaster (And How To Actually Do It Right)

It was 6:42 PM on a Tuesday, and my kitchen looked like a lawnmower had exploded indoors. My wife was holding a wet washcloth, staring at me with that highly specific look she gets when I've confidently executed a task...

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Tired mom staring at baby monitor while infant sleeps on stomach in crib

Help! Baby Rolls Onto Stomach While Sleeping But Can't Roll Back

"Let them figure it out," my mother-in-law told me while aggressively stirring her Earl Grey tea in my kitchen, acting like infant survival was just character building. "Just roll him back immediately or he'll suffocate," the excessively perky mom in...

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A dad looking bewildered while holding a printed baby shower word search game on a clipboard.

Why I Completely Misjudged The Baby Shower Word Search As A Dad

I was sitting in a folding chair in our Portland backyard, balancing a paper plate of half-eaten potato salad on my knee, staring at a grid of 144 random letters on a piece of recycled cardstock. Across the yard, Sarah's...

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Toddler girl standing on a kitchen island while exhausted mom drops coffee mug

When Your Baby Squirrel Is Good At Everything (Except Sleeping)

It was a Tuesday. 2:14 PM. I was standing in my kitchen wearing black leggings that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since the previous Thursday and a nursing bra that was basically just a loose suggestion of...

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Exhausted dad staring at an iPad screen while his 11-month-old baby chews on a silicone panda teether on the rug

The Great "Baby Tana Porn" Autocomplete Disaster Of 2024

At exactly 7:14 PM last Tuesday, my wife stopped breathing. It wasn't a medical emergency, but rather a sharp, terrifying inhalation of pure, unfiltered judgment. We were sitting on the couch in our Portland living room, the rain aggressively attacking...

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A trendy plush elf blind box toy sitting next to safe wooden baby toys

The "Baby Three" Elf Plush Trend is Actually a Nightmare

It’s 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing my husband Dave's college sweatshirt that has a highly questionable yogurt stain on the sleeve. I'm clutching a mug of lukewarm French roast like it’s a life...

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