The Three Wise Men and a Baby Cast: Hollywood Myths and Plaster
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm watching three perfectly groomed Canadian actors attempt to figure out how a nappy works while my left shoulder slowly absorbs a terrifying volume of pureed carrot. I'm rewatching the Hallmark holiday juggernaut Three...
The Absolute Chaos of Raising Twins and a Baby German Shepherd
I'm currently watching a forty-pound creature with ears the size of satellite dishes attempt to herd my two-year-old daughters into the downstairs loo. The creature, a dog who seems entirely unaware that he's not currently employed on a farm in...
Dear Past Tom: The chaotic truth about cooking meals for babies
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently standing in the kitchen at two in the afternoon, wearing a jumper that smells faintly of sour milk, staring at a blender full of steamed sweet potato. You have a very specific,...
What a Wild Baby Chimp Taught Me About Raising Twin Toddlers
I'm currently lying flat on the rug in our London living room, staring at a patch of ceiling that desperately needs painting, while someone repeatedly hits my left shin with a plastic spatula. Twin A (Isla) is shrieking because her...
The Great Flatlay Disaster: Twin Baby Announcement Ideas
The ultrasound gel was alarmingly cold, but that wasn't what made me stop breathing. It was the sudden, incredibly protracted silence from Janet, the NHS sonographer who had been cheerfully chatting about her spaniel just moments before. She squinted at...
The Great Hydration Panic: Why Infant Water Rules Feel Backwards
It was the great London heatwave of 2022, the kind of oppressive humidity that makes you reconsider all your life choices, when I caught my mother-in-law creeping toward the pram with a miniature plastic cup of tap water. The twins...
A dad's guide to the elusive baby turkey (and weaning woes)
It was 5:17 in the morning when the farm animal flap-book aggressively entered my peripheral vision, wielded by Twin A, who had somehow escaped her sleeping bag and decided that the pre-dawn darkness was the ideal time for agricultural education....
What I Wish I Knew About Raising Your Very Own Human Baby Sloth
Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo while the kettle boils, pressing your forehead against the cold tiles. It's 3:14 am. Twin A has refused to be put down since Tuesday, and Twin...
The 'I Had a Baby Without You Dailymotion' Solo Parent Truth
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was covered in a highly suspicious layer of what I stubbornly told myself was only pureed sweet potato. Twin A was asleep on my chest, breathing with the heavy, damp rattle...