My Absolute Worst Night With Matching Baby Christmas Pajamas
The zipper was officially jammed in the microfleece reindeer antlers. It was roughly two in the morning on December twenty-third, and my six-month-old, Maya, was screaming with the raw intensity of a level-one trauma arrival. Her face was the color...
Surviving the Hype: Baby Quilt Patterns and Actual Safe Sleep
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was eight months pregnant with Maya, sobbing over a jammed bobbin on a borrowed Singer sewing machine. I was wearing maternity leggings that definitely had a hole in the crotch, my...
The Honest Truth About Newborn Floor Time and Baby Play Mats
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in the Target parking lot in your yoga pants with the hole in the crotch, violently tapping your steering wheel while Googling whether cheap foam floor tiles cause neurological damage....
Where to Sell Baby Clothes When The Piles Literally Take Over
"You need to put everything on Poshmark," my neighbor Jessica told me on Tuesday morning while we were standing outside the preschool gates. "No, God, ThredUp is the only way, who has time to ship?" my sister texted me literally...
The Ugly Truth About My First Custom Organic Baby Onesie
I was standing in the middle of my kitchen, covered in a highly suspicious mixture of mashed sweet potatoes and spit-up, trying to peel a personalized milestone shirt off my oldest son, Leo. It was his half-birthday, because I used...
Why most kids' clothes are actually a trap disguised as cute
It was 2:13 a.m. in the middle of a brutal Chicago February. The thermostat claimed it was sixty-eight degrees, but the nursery felt like a meat locker. I was holding my screaming son at arm's length because he was covered...
Decoding the Knitted Romper: A Dad's Guide to Baby Hardware
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Tuesday to declare that any kind of woven wool would immediately give the baby a full-body rash. Ten minutes later, my neighborβa guy who brews his own kombucha in a garageβleaned over...
The real deal about that green baby tee and toxic wellness fads
I was three hours into a night shift in the pediatric ER when a very tired, very trendy mom rushed in with an eight-month-old who was vibrating like a cheap pager. His resting heart rate was through the roof. After...
The reality of vintage infant dresses: A dad's survival guide
I'm currently sweating profusely in the back of a moderately priced Italian restaurant in zone three, trying to force a writhing twenty-four-month-old's chubby arm through a rigid sleeve made of 1950s stiffened lace. My daughter, sensing my rising panic, arches...