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The 2 AM Regalo Baby Gate Crisis That Finally Broke My Spirit
It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the top landing of our painfully narrow London terrace in just my boxer shorts, holding a spirit level in one hand and a metal tension rod in the other....
What I Learned About Birth Plans After Sparkle Megan Has A Baby
I was halfway through surgically removing a layer of cemented, fossilised Weetabix from the highchair straps when my phone vibrated off the kitchen counter. A friend had sent me a link to an article about Megan Waleriusβthe bubbly, sequin-wearing contestant...
How A Sugar Baby Watermelon Defeated Me And My Twin Toddlers
If you ever find yourself wondering whether a standard kitchen sponge is abrasive enough to remove dried fruit pulp from a matte-painted wall, let me save you a frantic Google search. It isn't. You need a dedicated scraper and a...
Why I Finally Gave In and Bought a Baby Bottle Washer
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and my knuckles were literally bleeding. I was standing in my dark kitchen wearing a gray nursing tank that hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine since the Obama administration,...
The Absurd Reality of Raising a Baby Peacock With Toddlers
I'm currently watching my two-year-old daughter attempt to post a piece of heavily chewed toast into the ventilation slat of a heated poultry brooder. Inside that plastic tub sits a bird that cost more than my first car, looking less...
The 3 AM Meltdown That Finally Taught Me How to Name a Human
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-August, and the air conditioning in our apartment had completely surrendered. I was 37 weeks pregnant with Maya, wearing my husband Markβs hopelessly stained college lacrosse t-shirt, and I was crying so...
Dear Me: The Unvarnished Truth About Raising a Baby Kitten
Dear Sarah from six months ago. You're currently standing in your kitchen at 4:15 PM on a Tuesday, wearing those grey Target sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh, holding a damp cardboard box. Your four-year-old, Leo,...
Dear Jess: What I Wish I Knew Before the Baby Hummingbird Incident
Dear Jess of last May, put down the plastic eye dropper and step away from the kitchen counter before you inadvertently commit a federal wildlife crime. Right now, the baby is strapped to your sweaty chest in the carrier, the...
My Infant Is Glitching: The Truth About Those Endless Hiccups
It's 3:14 AM, and I'm staring at my phone's stopwatch, logging the exact intervals between my son's chest spasms. Every 4.2 seconds, his entire eleven-pound body jerks like a poorly coded physics engine that can't figure out gravity. He doesn't...