Magazine

A tired father staring suspiciously at a glowing formula machine in a dark kitchen.

Surviving the Midnight Baby Brezza Machine Calibration Panic

At exactly 3:14 AM, the kitchen floor tiles felt roughly like the surface of Hoth, and I found myself staring with murderous intent at a blinking red light on a piece of plastic that cost more than my first car....

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A tired dad holding two toddlers wearing organic retro tshirts while surrounded by laundry.

The Absurdity of Sourcing Genuine Retro Tshirts for Toddler Twins

I'm currently standing in a painfully hip vintage shop somewhere in the depths of Shoreditch, holding a faded 1994 Soundgarden t-shirt roughly the size of a tea towel, while my daughter Lily attempts to eat a price tag that says...

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A tired father searching for a woodland fox baby blanket in the dark

Surviving The 3 AM Meltdown Over A Missing Blanket With Foxes

I'm currently on all fours under the sofa, using my phone's torch to illuminate a terrifying graveyard of crushed Wotsits, a rogue piece of Lego, and a dummy that has been missing since last Tuesday. It's 3:14 in the morning....

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Confused toddler chewing on a wooden prop during a professional photo shoot

The absurd reality of getting your baby a Pampers modelling gig

We were at a deeply depressing soft play centre in Croydon, inhaling the scent of damp socks and despair, when a woman with aggressive blonde highlights leaned over the ball pit to tell me my twin girls were "absolute angels."...

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A frustrated dad looking at a baby bodysuit covered in mysterious stains

The Thameslink Blowout: Surviving the Baby Bodysuit Trap

We were somewhere between East Croydon and London Bridge when the smell hit. A dense, sulphuric cloud that instantly cleared the priority seating area of commuters and left me alone with a double pram. Twin A was grinning the gummy,...

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Two baby girls wearing slightly stained funny organic cotton rompers.

The Truth About Funny Baby Rompers When You Have Twins

The left leg is pinned down, the right leg is currently bicycle-kicking my jaw, and I'm staring at a bright yellow chest piece that boldly proclaims, "Ich schreie nicht, ich bestelle Essen" (I'm not crying, I'm ordering food). It's 3:42...

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Sarah holding a soft organic cotton baby bodysuit next to a coffee cup.

From Cheap Laughs to Safe Skin: The Truth About Funny Bodysuits

It was May 2017, and I was sitting in a sweltering community hall in what I honestly thought was a breezy maternity maxi dress but was actually just a floral greenhouse for my incredibly swollen thighs. I was eight months...

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A tired father holding two identical personalized baby bibs in a messy kitchen.

Surviving Weaning and the Tactical Genius of a LΓ€tzchen mit Namen

I'm currently staring at a smear of pureed pumpkin that has somehow defied gravity to reach the ceiling rose of our Victorian terrace. It's seven in the morning on a Tuesday, and one of the twinsβ€”I'm fairly certain it's Florence,...

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Exhausted dad staring at a massive pile of useless newborn baby gifts

The painfully honest truth about willkommensgeschenke fΓΌr babys

My mother-in-law arrived on day three clutching what looked like a Victorian christening gown and declared that a new baby must only be dressed in white lace. The DHL bloke who dropped off our tenth Amazon box of the week...

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