Magazine

Confused dad holding twin toddlers and looking at a smartphone

What I Learned When I Googled the Meaning of Baby Booter

There I was, scraping what I can only assume was fossilised Weetabix off the kitchen skirting board, while my twin daughters, Maya and Zoe, were busy conducting a very loud, off-beat symphony with two wooden spoons and a saucepan. They...

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Tired dad singing to his 11-month-old baby in a dark Portland nursery

Hush Little Baby Bribes: A Late Night Letter To My Past Self

Hey Marcus of exactly six months ago. You're standing in the dark right now, aren't you? It's 3:14 AM. The nursery thermostat reads exactly 68.4 degrees because you checked the app three times. Your left shoulder is completely numb, you've...

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Exhausted dad holding a baby while looking at a smartphone in a dark nursery

How a 3AM "CD Baby" Mix-Up Accidentally Fixed Our Sleep

The nursery thermostat read exactly 69.5 degrees, the humidifier was pumping at a steady 40 percent output, and my 11-week-old daughter was emitting a continuous, high-pitched frequency that felt like it was physically vibrating my teeth. It was 3:14 AM...

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A clumsy oversized baby resembling the Baby Huey cartoon trope

Raising a Baby Huey: When Your Infant Is Off the Charts

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was losing a wrestling match against a seven-month-old. The left leg went into the sleep sack fine, but the right leg was suddenly entirely incompatible with the fabric, mostly because the...

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A disassembled plastic doll sitting next to a damp cloth and forceps

The surgical reality of buying a baby alive doll for your kid

It's eleven at night. The lighting in my guest bathroom is deeply unflattering. I'm holding a pair of stainless steel tweezers in my right hand and my phone flashlight in my left. Pinned firmly beneath my elbow is a rigid...

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Frantic dad trying to shop for baby gear online with twins

The Great Megastore Myth and What Babies Actually Need

The most long-standing lie of modern parenting is that you can't safely extract a newborn from the hospital without first making a pilgrimage to a brightly lit, warehouse-sized retail behemoth. I distinctly remember sitting in the dark at 3am, furiously...

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A tired dad holding a coffee mug while looking at a baby monitor screen

The Unfiltered Reality of the Kat Timpf Baby News

It was 3:14 AM. The baby monitor on my nightstand was glowing a menacing green, reading exactly 68.2 degrees, and I was doomscrolling Twitter in that hazy, caffeinated purgatory between sleep cycles. I think the biggest myth about celebrity baby...

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A tired dad holding his 11 month old baby while wearing a star wars shirt

Why A Tiny Green Alien Explains My Entire First Year Of Fatherhood

It's 3:14 AM, and my eleven-month-old is currently trying to shove a completely intact, unpeeled banana into his left ear while maintaining unblinking, terrifying eye contact with me. I'm wearing sweatpants I haven't washed since Tuesday and a Mandalorian t-shirt...

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A frustrated dad staring at a laptop screen filled with a spreadsheet of baby names

The Google Sheet That Nearly Broke Us: A Guide to Baby Girl Names

Row 47 of our shared Google Sheet was where my marriage nearly met its untimely end over the name 'Blythe'. My wife, heavily pregnant and radiating a sort of exhausted menace, argued that it sounded literary and sophisticated. I argued...

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