Magazine

Twin toddler holding a smartphone while sitting on a living room rug

Goro and Tropi Blowjob Baby: A Toddler Internet Safety Nightmare

It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the flat was freezing because our boiler has the temperament of an aging rock star. I was standing in the kitchen, staring intensely at the kettle, willing the water to boil through...

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Toddler pointing enthusiastically at a tablet showing a fluffy baby rabbit

Viewing Baby Rabbit Growth Stages Without the Toddler Chaos

Don't, under any circumstances, take twin two-year-olds to a local petting farm during birthing season. We were knee-deep in Somerset mud last Tuesday when Twin A locked eyes with a newborn kit, let out a war cry that rattled my...

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A baby covered in edible yogurt paint sitting on a high chair tray.

Real Paint Adventures vs That Homestuck MSPFA Internet Trap

I was up to my elbows in plain Greek yogurt and beet juice, desperately trying to whisk together a Pinterest-perfect non-toxic finger paint, when my oldestβ€”let's just call him Baby M for this story, though he's five now and a...

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Marcus playing acoustic version of lil baby gunna - close friends chords for his baby

Why I Learned Trap Music Guitar Chords for a Crying Infant at 3 AM

Dear Marcus from six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM, the relentless Portland rain is hammering against the nursery window, and you're standing in the middle of the room wearing boxer briefs, holding your dusty acoustic guitar like it's a...

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Exhausted dad staring at baby formula bottles in a dark kitchen

Lactose Free Formula For Babies: A Dad's Guide To Gut Bugs

It's 3:14 AM. I'm standing in our Portland kitchen, bathed in the harsh blue light of the microwave clock, frantically whisking a brand-new can of soy powder into a bottle while my 11-month-old screams like a dial-up modem connecting to...

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Exhausted dad staring at baby videos on his phone in a dark nursery

Dear Past Me: That TikTok issa_hay_baby_ Account Isn't Real

It’s exactly 3:14 AM right now in your timeline, and you're sitting on the edge of the glider while the baby does that weird pterodactyl screech that means his sleep cycle is resetting. Your face is bathed in the cold...

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Dad looking shocked at a laptop screen after searching for sugar baby production instead of infant food facts.

The Night "Sugar Baby Production" Ruined My Search History

It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the glowing blue square of the baby monitor is showing me the night-vision outline of my eleven-month-old son doing something that looks suspiciously like a plank. He has been teething for what...

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Tired dad holding a baby in a bamboo blanket looking at a clock

When Do Babies Switch To One Nap

I'm currently staring at a baby monitor that displays a room temperature of exactly 68.4 degrees and an 11-month-old standing in his crib, aggressively shaking the rails like a tiny, sleep-deprived prisoner. It's 10:15 AM. This is supposed to be...

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Exhausted dad staring at his phone while holding an 11-month-old baby boy in a dark Portland nursery.

A Dad's Tech Guide to Figuring Out When Is Baby Boi Dropping

It was 2:14 AM. The baby monitor was glowing with that sinister green night-vision hue that makes my eleven-month-old look like a paranormal entity trapped in a crib. My phone vibrated on the nightstand, blinding me with the lock screen....

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