Magazine
The 3 AM Eczema Meltdown That Changed How I Dress My Kids
It was 3:14 AM in a stuffy, overheated Airbnb in Zermatt, and I was wearing my husband Markβs oversized Ramones t-shirt that still smelled vaguely like airplane air and desperation. Maya was four months old, and she was screaming a...
Debugging dinner: My panic-induced deep dive into organic baby food
It was Tuesday night, 6:14 PM, and my kitchen looked like a crime scene involving a very small, very angry sweet potato. My wife, Sarah, was trying to scrape orange sludge off the ceiling while I sat on the floor,...
The Truth About the Owlet Baby Monitor for Anxious Parents
It was 2:18 AM on a random Tuesday in November, and I was sitting on the very edge of our mattress in a milk-stained maternity bra and my husband's gray sweatpants, just openly staring at a softly glowing green ring...
Debugging The Stomach Bug: A Dad's Guide To Pedialyte For Babies
There I was at 2:14 AM, standing in the kitchen in my boxers, holding a plastic cup of Portland tap water while my 11-month-old son aggressively formatted his own hard drive all over my shoulder. The dad-logic in my sleep-deprived...
Pinkfong Baby Shark: How to Survive the Doo-Doo-Doo Toddler Phase
I was wedged between a fifty-pound sack of flour and my bulk box of paper towels in the pantry, stress-eating a handful of stale Goldfish crackers, while the muffled sound of "doo doo doo doo doo doo" echoed through the...
The Brutally Honest Guide to Buying a Playpen for Babies
My mom texted me "just put the babi in a pen so you can work!" at the exact same moment a twenty-two-year-old Instagram parenting coach popped up on my feed with a beige infographic about how "restrictive containers stifle gross...
Why the Pretty Baby Movie Documentary Broke My Dad Brain
It was 3:14 AM, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our roof, and my 11-month-old daughter was using my sternum as a memory foam mattress. I had my phone brightness dialed down to absolute zero, squinting through the...
Surviving the Pretty Little Baby Connie Francis TikTok Trend
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the nursery was running at an good 69.4 degrees Fahrenheit. I know this because I check the smart thermostat logs when I can't sleep, which is always. My wife was standing in...
The Real Truth About Ralph Lauren Baby: Are Tiny Polos Worth It?
I was standing over my kitchen sink at 6:42 AM on a Tuesday, wearing fleece sweatpants I had definitely slept in for three consecutive nights, frantically scrubbing bright orange sweet potato mash out of a pristine, white cable-knit sweater. It...