Magazine
The Messy Truth About Baby Yogurt: What I Wish I Knew Back Then
I'm currently staring at a crusty, suspicious white stain on my kitchen ceiling and I've absolutely no idea how it got there. Wait, no, yes I do. It's whole milk Greek yogurt, flung with the precision of an Olympic shot...
The 2am baby wolf spider encounter that changed my parenting
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the London flat was entirely silent except for the rhythmic, congested breathing of Twin A, or possibly Twin B, since they frequently swap beds just to gaslight me. I was on a...
Dear Past Me: Please Stop Stressing Over the Baby Weight Chart
I was cleaning out my messy Google Drive about 6 months agoβlooking for a recipe I never ended up makingβand I found a draft of a letter I had started writing to my past self. I was looking at old...
The Great Wheeled Walker Delusion (And What We Do Instead)
My mother-in-law proudly dragged it out of her attic last Tuesday like she was presenting me with the Holy Grail of parenting. It was a plastic, UFO-looking contraption with eight swiveling casters, a faded sticker of a bear, and a...
Surviving the Baby Walker With Wheels (A Twin Dad's Story)
I was precisely halfway through pouring a vaguely warm coffee down my throat when Florence broke the indoor land speed record. We have a narrow Victorian hallway in our London terrace, which is entirely unsuitable for anything wider than a...
Why I Stopped Listening to Every Tiny Nursery Sound
It was 2:14 AM and I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub in Daveβs college sweatpantsβthe ones with the unidentified bleach stain on the left kneeβstaring at a glowing plastic screen like it held the secrets to the...
The 3 AM Baby Vicks Rub Panic and How I Finally Got My Kid to Sleep
It was exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-November, and I was standing in the middle of the nursery wearing yesterdayβs yoga pants with an unidentifiable crusty stain on the knee, holding a half-empty mug of room-temperature coffee that...
Navigating the Baby Vaccine Schedule Without Losing Your Mind
There's a very specific type of sweat that forms on your lower back when you're trying to maneuver a double buggy through the aggressively narrow doors of an NHS GP surgery. You're already ten minutes late, one of the babies...
The Midnight Maths of Baby Fever Medicine
The iPhone torch was wedged firmly between my teeth, casting a terrifying Blair Witch underglow across the nursery while I squinted at a tiny, sticky plastic syringe. It was 3:14 AM. Twin A was screaming in a pitch that vibrated...