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A tired dad trying to read estate planning paperwork while twin toddlers dismantle the living room

Dear Past Tom: The Actual Trust Fund Baby Meaning (63 chars)

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in a solicitor’s waiting room in zone 3, trying to peel a smashed Rice Krispie square off a faux-leather chair before Mr. Henderson comes out to discuss your estate. Twin...

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behaviorhumorParenting GuidetoddlertwinsUK
A tired dad holding a toddler who is aggressively wielding a wooden toy

What Is Love Baby Dont Hurt Me: Toddlers & 90s Dance Anthems

It's 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently bleeding quite profusely from the bridge of my nose while mentally reviewing the Billboard Hot 100 charts from 1993. My left eye is watering. My dignity left the building sometime during...

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healthinfant healthparenting humourtwinswinter
A tired dad holding a sick baby wrapped in a squirrel print organic cotton blanket in a dimly lit nursery.

The Midnight Whistle: Surviving The RS Virus With Twin Babies

It was a Tuesday, precisely 3:14 AM, and Florence was making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a broken penny whistle trapped inside a damp accordion. I was standing in the dark of the nursery, wearing a t-shirt stained with...

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babyearly developmentparenting humourtwin dadtwinsUK
A chaotic living room floor covered in toddler toys and half-eaten rice cakes

Rihanna A AP Rocky Third Baby: The Madness of Three Under Four

It was 7:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was attempting to pry a half-sucked rice cake from the iron grip of twin A, while twin B was vigorously trying to feed a wet wipe to the cat. My phone...

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baby dollsearly developmentsibling preparationtoddlertwinsUK
A toddler holding a very realistic silicone baby doll by the leg

A letter to myself before buying real life baby dolls for twins

Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently standing at the kitchen island at 11:42 PM, holding a Stanley knife, staring at a cardboard box that just arrived from a specialty toy retailer. When you slice through that packing tape...

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baby accessoriesco-parentingparenting humourpregnancy tipsteethingtwins
Tired dad holding twin baby girls while trying to read a parenting book

My Fictional Gangster Baby Daddy and the Reality of Co-Parenting

When we first found out we were having twins, the unsolicited advice arrived with the speed and aggression of a flock of London pigeons spotting a dropped chip. Three different people gave me entirely contradictory instructions on how to handle...

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anxietydigital footprintparenting humourtwin dadtwinsUK
Tired dad holding a smartphone while twin toddlers play in the background

The Mason Disick Baby Hoax and My Massive Digital Parenting Panic

My mum told me on Tuesday that if I ever post another photo of the girls online, criminals on the dark web will steal their identities and open credit cards in their names. A bloke I vaguely know from the...

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6-month-oldBaby-Led WeaningfeedinghumourSolid Food & Finger Foodtwins
Twin girls covered in sweet potato puree sitting in highchairs at the kitchen table

When Do Babies Start Eating Baby Food? A Twin Dad's Messy Guide

Dear Tom of eighteen months ago, You're currently standing in the kitchen at 3am, staring at a very expensive, totally unused baby food maker, frantically typing misspelled queries like "when do I feed my babi" into your phone with one...

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baby toysearly developmenteducational toysparenting humourtwins
A baby playing with a wooden play gym on a living room rug while a tired dad holds a cup of coffee.

Lil Baby Harvard: Raising a tiny genius without losing your mind

Within forty-eight hours of bringing the twins home, I received three distinct pieces of unsolicited advice regarding their future intellectual dominance. My mother-in-law arrived with a set of high-contrast Mandarin flashcards (I speak passable French; my wife speaks sarcasm). Our...

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