The 50 Cent Baby Momma Drama Broke My Brain at 3 AM
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my eleven-month-old was emitting a continuous, low-frequency hum that sounded exactly like a failing server fan. I was sitting on the floor of his nursery in the Portland rain, staring at the...
My Late Night Freakout Over Purple Lacy Skin and What I Know Now
It was October 2017, and my daughter Maya was exactly eleven days old. I remember this specifically because I was wearing an oversized grey nursing tank that I hadn't washed since we left the hospital, and I had a half-empty...
Minka Kelly's Memoir and the Parenting Bugs We Can't Fix
Don't, under any circumstances, ask your postpartum wife if she's crying because the Wi-Fi dropped while she's reading in the dark. I learned this at exactly 3:14 AM last Tuesday. The eerie blue glow of her Kindle was illuminating the...
The kriss_baby_ Webcam Hack: Unplugging Our Nursery Wi-Fi Camera
I was standing in Leoβs nursery at 2:14 AM wearing a pair of Dave's stretched-out boxer briefs and a nursing tank that smelled strongly of sour milk and utter desperation, holding a chunk of painted drywall in my left hand....
Why the baby fairy is a villainess trend ruined my whole week
I caught my teenage niece slipping her iPad to my two-year-old at Sunday dinner. The screen was a wash of pastel pinks, featuring a big-eyed, rosy-cheeked toddler in a frilly dress. I was tired. I was eating cold palak paneer....
The 2 AM Google Spiral About Baby Milestones
It was 2:14 in the morning on a Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday? Time doesn't actually exist when you've an eleven-month-old who treats sleep like a hostile negotiation. I was sitting on the floor of Maya's nursery, wearing Dave's grey zip-up...
How I Finally Learned To Say Don't Worry Baby To My Own Brain
I was hunched over the bassinet at 3:14 AM with my phone flashlight covered by two of my fingers, desperately counting the seconds between my oldest son's breaths. I had convinced myself that because he paused his breathing for seven...
What the Dijon Baby Album Got Right About New Parent Anxiety
It was 2:13 AM, and my husband was sitting on the edge of the bathtub just staring at the tile grout while our oldestβwho's basically a walking cautionary tale for why you shouldn't blindly trust anything you read in a...
The Zika Baby Panic: What My Pediatrician Actually Told Me
I was staring at the smeared remains of a mosquito on my laptop screen when Sarah walked into the home office, holding our eleven-month-old like a football and looking highly alarmed. We were supposed to fly to a wedding in...