Dear Past Sarah: Devil Man Cry Baby Is Definitely Not For Kids
Dear Sarah from last October. You're currently sitting on the floor of the downstairs bathroom because itβs the only room with a lock that the kids haven't figured out how to pick with a paperclip yet. You have a lukewarm...
Raising the 'Baby Rich' Without Making Them Insufferable
I was staring at a three-thousand-dollar acrylic crib on my phone at 4 a.m. while covered in sour milk, waiting for my maternity leave pay to clear. That was the exact moment I realized my entire concept of being baby...
Why I Googled Baby Osama at 3 AM: TikTok Sleep Hacks Are Terrifying
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, the nursery is precisely 69.4 degrees Fahrenheit, and my 11-month-old son has just executed his fourth unauthorized wake-up routine of the night. I'm sitting on the edge of the glider in the dark, scrolling...
Is the Baby of the Year Scam Actually Stealing Your Data?
My phone buzzed for the fourth time before 9 AM, and I nearly dropped a spit-up covered burp cloth right into my fresh mug of coffee. It was another group text from my cousin, begging our entire extended family to...
The absolute exhaustion of finding truly unique baby names
The lady from medical records was tapping her pen against her clipboard, shifting her weight from one Dansko clog to the other. I was forty-eight hours postpartum, sweating through a hospital gown that smelled like iodine, holding the birth certificate...
Taking Your Kids On A Baby Metal Tour Without Losing Your Mind
I was standing in my kitchen at 6:15 AM, right? Wearing Daveβs faded Megadeth shirt that has a literal hole in the left armpit, staring blindly at my phone while my coffee got aggressively cold. Because I had three separate...
What I Wish I Knew Before Obsessing Over Popular Baby Names 2024
It was 2017, a Tuesday, and I was sweating through a heather-gray maternity tunic at a crowded Starbucks on 4th Street, desperately trying to ignore the fact that my compression leggings were actively cutting off circulation to my thighs. My...
I panic-googled Roblox pill babies at 2 AM so you do not have to
I was sitting on my brotherβs couch in southeast Portland last Sunday, desperately trying to keep my squirming 11-month-old from eating a suspicious clump of golden retriever hair, when my nine-year-old nephew yelled into his gaming headset: "Bro, grab the...
How Peppa Pig's New Arrival Fixed Our Sibling Transition Chaos
I was sitting cross-legged on a spectacularly stained rug, holding up a somewhat mangled stuffed rabbit and speaking in a high-pitched voice, trying to explain the concept of human gestation to my two-year-old twin daughters. They stared at me with...