What To Do With A Crochet Blanket For Newborn Babies, Y'all
I was exactly thirty-four weeks pregnant with my oldest, Tucker, sweating right through a floral maternity dress that felt more like a circus tent, when my Great Aunt Ruth handed me a massive, heavy, neon-yellow yarn afghan. Right on cue,...
The reality of personalized blankets with names for your baby
I was standing over a donation bin at three in the afternoon, aggressively stuffing a neon pink minky fleece throw into a plastic bag. It was a gift from a distant relative, given to me three months before my daughter...
Backyard Baby Ducks: A Dad's Guide to Feathers, Fluff, and Chaos
If you've ever seen a cartoon or read a children's book, you probably think a baby duckβs default state is bobbing happily in a crystal-clear pond while eating breadcrumbs, which is exactly why I nearly short-circuited when my wife pointed...
Rewatching The 1994 Film Babys Day Out Broke My Parent Brain
I'm pausing the TV at exactly the 24-minute mark to go check the tensile strength of our front door's deadbolt. My wife is staring at the ceiling from the couch, audibly wondering why I can't just enjoy a movie like...
Why I Finally Caved and Bought a Play Area for My Kids
It was a Tuesday morning in late 2017, and I was wearing a pair of black yoga pants that had a highly questionable smear of sweet potato puree on the left thigh. Maya was seven months old, which meant she...
The Kim Kardashian Santa Baby Video Is An Algorithm Nightmare
Listen. The biggest lie they sell us about modern motherhood is the safety of the search bar. You think you can type a harmless holiday song into the television, hand over the remote, and buy yourself exactly four minutes to...
The Lindbergh Baby Kidnapping: What Modern Parents Actually Learned
My mother-in-law told me to let him cry until he throws up because it builds character. My pediatrician, who looks like he hasn't slept since the Obama administration, muttered something about responsive attachment and vagus nerve development. Meanwhile, my favorite...
The Truth About Buying a Baby Lion Costume for Your Kid
I was sitting in the third row of my Honda Odyssey in a Target parking lot, sweating through my favorite t-shirt, trying to peel my screaming six-month-old out of a baby lion costume that seemed to be actively melting into...
Keeping the Baby Jesus Out of Your Toddler's Mouth
I was in the kitchen aggressively scraping burnt porridge out of a pan when the silence hit. Any parent of two-year-old twins knows that silence is never golden; it's highly suspicious and usually expensive. I dropped the pan, sprinted into...