Why Humphrey the Beanie Baby Is a Hard No for My 11-Month-Old
I'm currently holding a beige, slightly cross-eyed plush camel that smells faintly of an attic and 1996. My mother-in-law just proudly handed it to me across our kitchen island. Apparently, she unearthed this thing from her garage after solving the...
Raising Little Bush Babies: The Wild Truth About Newborn Care
When I brought my first son home, the hospital sliding doors hadn't even closed behind us before the contradictory advice started rolling in. My own mother leaned over the infant car seat in the parking lot and declared I needed...
The Late Night Search History of a Clueless Dad
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 3:14 AM, the bathroom tiles are freezing your bare feet, and your phone screen brightness is aggressively burning your retinas because you forgot to...
When baby tears sims 4 complaints broke me during a 3am twin meltdown
It was 3:14 in the morning, and I was illuminated entirely by the sickly blue glow of my phone screen while Twin A writhed against my shoulder like a damp, furious sack of potatoes. Twin B was mercifully unconscious in...
Why Barbecue Sauce is a Toddler Nightmare (And What to Do Instead)
It's 2:00 PM on the Fourth of July, it's ninety-eight degrees in the shade, and I'm sweating through a grey maternity tank top that I should have thrown away three years ago. Leo is fourteen months old and his face...
Oho Enthan Baby Movie: A Midnight Netflix Trap For Dads
Dear Tom of six months ago. It's 3:14 in the morning, the London rain is lashing against the bedroom window, and you're currently standing in the living room wearing a dressing gown that smells faintly of sour milk and desperation....
The 3AM Kitchen Panic: Surviving the Baby Motrin Maths Test
There's a highly specific, deeply stressful kind of maths you only ever do at 3:17 in the morning, standing barefoot on a cold kitchen tile while a tiny, feverish human wails from the nursery. I usually have a sticky bottle...
Baby By Justin Bieber: From Pop Song To Real Parenting
It was 3 AM, the house was entirely silent except for the hum of our busted AC unit, and I was desperately trying not to drop my firstborn child. Hunter was screaming like I had personally offended him by offering...
The "asa baby monster" Google Trap: A Guide to Actual Toddler Chaos
There I was, at 3:14 am on a Tuesday, blinking at my glowing phone screen while Twin A rhythmically headbutted my collarbone. I had simply wanted to buy a cute, slightly terrifying novelty onesie for Halloween. I typed what I...