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When You Google 'Sorry Baby' Showtimes Looking for Toddler Entertai...
It was 6:43 PM on a Tuesday, which in this house we affectionately refer to as the witching hour, and my oldest had just colored the dogβs tail with a blue Sharpie. I was elbows-deep in a sink full of...
The Skai Jackson Baby Drama: A Dad's Take on Postpartum Stress
My mom told me to just keep the vibes good around our newborn to prevent her from becoming a fussy toddler. My wife's postpartum doula gently suggested that negative maternal energy literally alters an infant's cellular structure in real-time. And...
The Ruka Baby Monster Error: Troubleshooting 2 AM Meltdowns
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, raining sideways against our Portland apartment windows, and I was actively bleeding from my left collarbone. My 11-month-old daughter had bypassed crying entirely and escalated straight to physical violence. I was holding her...
The Midnight Whistle: Surviving The RS Virus With Twin Babies
It was a Tuesday, precisely 3:14 AM, and Florence was making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a broken penny whistle trapped inside a damp accordion. I was standing in the dark of the nursery, wearing a t-shirt stained with...
Rihanna A AP Rocky Third Baby: The Madness of Three Under Four
It was 7:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was attempting to pry a half-sucked rice cake from the iron grip of twin A, while twin B was vigorously trying to feed a wet wipe to the cat. My phone...
When Your Kid Starts Singing Rich Baby Daddy Lyrics
If you want to know how to handle a four-year-old screaming the rich baby daddy lyrics at the very top of his lungs in the middle of Trader Joe's, I've three distinctly different pieces of advice for you. My mother...
How to Be a Rich Baby Daddy Without Actually Having Any Money
I'm standing in a painfully well-lit Marylebone baby boutique at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday, holding a Β£400 self-rocking bassinet, while one of my two-year-old twins actively attempts to eat a display shoe. The sales assistant is looking...
Dear Past Me: Surviving The Ramsey Baby Steps With Kids
Dear Sarah from last October, It's 11:42 PM on a Tuesday and you're sitting on the sticky kitchen linoleum right in front of the dishwasher. You're wearing those black yoga pants with the dried yogurt stain on the left knee,...
Troubleshooting The Baby Come Back Phase Without Losing Your Mind
2:14 PM. Portland is doing that misty drizzle thing outside where it's not quite raining but you still get entirely wet. I've stepped exactly 3.4 feet away from the playmat to grab my lukewarm coffee from the side table. I...