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Debugging Fatherhood: What Silverbacks Taught Me About Babies
I was standing in our Portland kitchen at 3 AM, wearing a stained t-shirt and intensely color-coding my son's diaper output in a spreadsheet, when I realized my troubleshooting manual for fatherhood was completely corrupted. The lactation consultant at the...
Dear Jess: The Unfiltered Truth About Buying Baby Detergent
Dear Jess from six months ago, I see you standing there in aisle 14 of the H-E-B in Corsicana, completely frozen. You've got your two-year-old hanging off the front of the shopping cart trying to eat a bruised banana, your...
Why I Stopped Buying $45 Polyester Baby Pumpkins (And What I Do Now)
There I was, sitting on the porch steps in the humid Texas heat, trying to pry a screaming six-month-old out of a rigid polyester pumpkin suit that somehow didn't have a single snap at the crotch. My oldest daughter—who's now...
System Failure: Searching for Baby Clothes Near Me in Portland
The sound was suspiciously similar to a ketchup bottle emptying its final contents, but we were miles from a diner and my eleven-month-old daughter was entirely too pleased with herself. We were at Mt. Tabor park, I was trying to...
The truth about baby bump timelines and why apps lie to you
I was standing in our kitchen holding a retractable Stanley tape measure against my wife's stomach, trying to log exactly how many centimeters her abdomen had grown since the previous Tuesday. She looked down at me like I was trying...
The Accidental Winnie the Pooh Baby Shower Guide for Anxious Dads
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo. I know this because I'm you, and I remember the exact texture of the bathmat you're presently sitting on while trying to escape the chaos of your...
Surviving the Newborn Phase: The Real Deal on Baby Rockers
It was 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was eating a cold, half-bitten Eggo waffle over the sink while my oldest, Leo, screamed like I was trying to sell him to the circus. He was exactly five weeks old,...
Wait, Are Baby Bonnets Safe? My 2 AM Infant Hair Loss Panic
It was exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday. I know this because my glowing phone screen was mocking me in the dark. I was sitting in the nursery rocking chair wearing a maternity tank top that smelled strongly of sour...
What I Wish I Knew Before Bringing Home a Tiny Spiky Lizard
Jackson’s face was pressed so hard against the glass of the terrarium I thought his nose might permanently flatten into a little pancake. We were just supposed to be at the pet store buying dog food, but my five-year-old had...