The Truth About Air Fryer Baby Potatoes (Before and After Kids)
"Mummy, hot!" screams Twin A, pointing an accusatory sticky finger at the sleek black monstrosity occupying half our kitchen worktop. It's 5:14 PM. The witching hour. My wife is not home from work yet, I'm wearing a t-shirt that smells...
The Baby Park Survival Guide for Chronically Tired UK Parents
I'm currently crouched in the damp, questionable mulch of our local playground, forming a frantic human barricade around two tiny, drool-covered infants. To my left, a feral four-year-old is hurtling past wielding a half-eaten breadstick like a medieval javelin. To...
The brutally honest guide to choosing baby names boy edition
There's a pervasive, highly destructive lie floating around the maternity wards and NCT classes of Britain, and it goes something like this: don't worry if you haven't picked a name yet, because the second they hand him to you, you'll...
Surviving a Baby MRI: A London Dad's Letter to His Past Self
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently standing in the kitchen at 4:13 am, covered in what I desperately hope is just standard-issue reflux, staring at a crumpled NHS appointment letter. Baby M is asleep on your left shoulder,...
The Midnight Madness of Baby MORI Sacks and Tog Ratings
It's 3:14 in the morning on a profoundly wet Tuesday in November, and I'm standing in the exact centre of our Victorian terrace's nursery holding a plastic egg that glows an angry, accusatory red. This egg is supposed to tell...
Normal Baby Weight at Birth: A Letter to My Terrified Past Self
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo at a family barbecue, trying to field questions from your brother-in-law about what constitutes a normal baby weight. His wife is being induced on Tuesday, and you're...
Dear Past Tom: The Roblox Pill Baby is Not What You Think
You're currently standing in the kitchen, holding a half-eaten, slightly tepid fish finger, staring at your nine-year-old nephew, Leo. He has just wandered in from the living room, barely looking up from his iPad, to casually ask if he can...
The Bizarre Lies She Told My Baby About My Pre-Parenting Life
I watched in absolute horror as my old university friend Fiona, wearing a leather jacket that smelled faintly of stale vape smoke and regret, leaned directly into the pram and started rewriting my twenties. We were in a Costa Coffee...
The 3am SIDS Baby Panic and Why Nobody Actually Sleeps Anymore
I'm standing over the cot at 3:14 AM. I'm holding my wife's Β£30 MAC compact mirror. I'm sliding it slowly under the tiny nostrils of Twin A, holding my own breath while I wait for the minuscule fog of condensation...