Debugging My 11-Month-Old Baby's First Guitar Playing Setup
Yesterday at exactly 4:13 PM, my daughter attempted to eat the low E string off my Martin acoustic dreadnought. I was sitting on the rug in our living roomβwhich I keep at a very precise, data-backed 68.5 degrees for best...
The 3AM Nappy Change That Made Me Believe in Baby Gowns
It's 03:14 on a Tuesday, and I'm quietly crying. Not the majestic, single-tear-rolling-down-the-cheek crying you see in cinema, but the silent, pathetic, shoulder-heaving sort. I'm kneeling on the floor of our cramped London nursery, holding my breath, trying to align...
Surviving the British Guard Beannie Baby Phase
Sweat was actively pooling in the crevice of Florenceβs third chin. It was Boxing Day, the central heating was aggressively set to what I can only describe as 'Florida retirement home,' and my mother-in-law had just wedged both twins into...
Dear Past Jess: The Messy Truth About Board Books for Babies
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum of the kitchen floor, surrounded by three baskets of unfolded laundry, staring at your youngest child. You just had to stick your index finger into his mouth...
A Letter to Myself About That Ridiculous Digital Baby Tiger
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know you're currently standing at the kitchen island, elbow-deep in raw chicken while the baby aggressively throws cheerios at the dog, but I need you to drop the tongs and walk into the...
The Tomodachi Life Save Editor Panic: Hacking for Virtual Babies
It was exactly 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen wearing a target-brand fleece robe that has an unidentifiable crusty stain on the left pocket (yogurt? toothpaste? honestly I don't want to know), pouring my...
How Many Babies Do Squirrels Have? A Garden Mystery
The incident began on a particularly damp Tuesday in our local park, right around the time I was wondering if it was socially acceptable to drink a lukewarm thermos of coffee at 9 a.m. Maya and Chloe had their faces...
Hitchhiker Baby Name 4pk: A 3 AM Naming Meltdown
It was 3:17 AM. I was wearing my husband's faded college sweatpants that had a mysterious, vaguely crusty yogurt stain on the left knee because doing laundry at seven months pregnant felt like an Olympic sport I had not trained...
When GFWYK Baby Mel Lyrics Crashed Our Nursery Smart Speaker
Dear Marcus of six months ago, You're currently standing in the center of the nursery at 2:14 AM. You have a screaming five-month-old tucked like a football under your left arm, and your right hand is frantically tracing the power...