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The utter chaos of dressing twins in retro kids clothes
My mother-in-law practically kicked our front door off its hinges last Tuesday to hand me a bin bag full of highly flammable, heavily synthetic 1984 baby rompers that my wife apparently wore, insisting the twins needed to wear them immediately....
Hunting Down The Discontinued Baby Jogger Vue: A Dad's Reality
I'm currently crouched behind a faux-reclaimed wood table at a Portland coffee shop, obsessively refreshing Facebook Marketplace on my phone while my 11-month-old attempts to deep-throat a cork coaster. Before I became a dad, my entire philosophy on gear was...
Why we finally switched to holz kinderspielzeug (wooden toys)
It was a Tuesday. 6:14 AM. Leo was three, Maya was basically a blob, and I was holding a cold mug of coffee while wearing a stained Nirvana t-shirt I’ve owned since college. I was staring at our living room...
Why Fribourg Baby Stores Completely Ruined American Shopping For Me
We're standing on the freezing cobblestones outside the train station in the Canton of Fribourg, the airline has lost all three of our checked bags, and my 11-month-old is wearing a spit-up stained pajama top that smells heavily of expired...
The Heatwave Guide to Surviving With a Bambus Decke
It was July, the mercury in our top-floor London flat had just breached 35 degrees, and I was sitting on the nursery floor waving a piece of Amazon delivery cardboard over my eight-month-old daughters like a desperate servant in antiquity....
Debugging Tummy Time: What You Actually Need From A Baby Mat
There's this deeply embedded cultural myth that to successfully raise a functional human infant, you must provide them with a floor space that looks and sounds exactly like a Las Vegas casino. When Leo was about two months old, I...
Kinderwagen Lammfell Winter: Why I Stopped Panicking
I was standing outside a coffee shop on Division Street in 38-degree freezing drizzle, intensely watching my eleven-month-old's chest rise and fall. My wife's mother had just proudly installed a fluffy sheepskin insert into our UPPAbaby stroller, and I was...
Why Infant Harem Pants Are Actually a Parenting Survival Tool
My mom told me babies need sturdy denim to learn to crawl, bless her heart. My mother-in-law insisted on those traditional smocked bubbles that require an engineering degree to snap together on a moving target. And my best friend from...
The Great Accessoire Bebe Swindle (And What We Actually Kept)
It's 3:14 am, and I'm standing in our dimly lit kitchen trying to operate a Bluetooth-enabled baby formula dispenser while Twin A screams with the righteous fury of a wronged Victorian ghost, and Twin B enthusiastically chews on a piece...