Magazine
The Great Baby Diaper Delusion: What Nobody Tells You About The Poop
"You absolutely have to use cloth, it's the only way to avoid the toxins," my mother-in-law said, handing me a stack of what looked like medieval torture bandages while I was exactly thirty-eight weeks pregnant and sweating through my maternity...
Why My Designer Tote Almost Ruined My Spine (And What I Pack Now)
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I'm sitting in the front seat of my Honda CR-V in a Target parking lot, sobbing into a half-eaten sleeve of stale graham crackers. Maya is three months old. I'm wearing...
The Truth About Baby Doge Coin & Real Pet Safety With Infants
The glare from my phone screen was absolutely blinding at 2:13 in the morning while I was trapped under thirty-two pounds of sleeping toddler and nursing my newest arrival in our creaky nursery glider. I was just trying to do...
The 3 AM Search For A Baby Doll Batman Sent Me Down A Weird Rabbit ...
It's 3:14 AM, and the amber glow of my phone screen is the only light in a room that currently smells heavily of Calpol and desperation. Maya (Twin A, currently operating with the feral energy of a raccoon trapped in...
The 3 AM Nightmare of Putting Baby Doll Clothes on Tiny Plastic Arms
At 4:17 AM on a Tuesday, the ambient temperature in our living room was exactly 68.4 degrees. I know this because I was staring at the thermostat while sitting on the rug with a headlamp on, trying to thread a...
The baby doll movie voice search disaster on a rainy Tuesday
It was exactly 6:14 AM, the rain was coming down in that relentless, gray Portland way, and I was holding a bottle of formula I had meticulously calibrated to precisely 98.6 degrees. My daughter, currently known in my mental database...
The Autocomplete Trap And Keeping Kids Off The Weird Internet
My phone slipped out of my hand and hit the kitchen tile at exactly 2:14 p.m. yesterday. I was trying to type baby doll into a search bar to find a birthday gift for my niece. The internet, in its...
The Microtransaction Trap: My Nephew and the Baby Dragon Evo
I was elbow-deep in a Level 4 diaper blowout when my ten-year-old nephew, visiting from Seattle, leaned into the blast radius and asked if I could spot him twenty bucks for a baby dragon evo. I froze, holding a soiled...
The Ultimate Survival Guide For Your First Baby Driver Car Experience
The asphalt in the hospital parking lot was basically melting my flip-flops, and I was sitting in a wheelchair sobbing while my husband wrestled with a massive hunk of grey plastic. It was July in rural Texas. Jackson, our firstborn,...