The 3 AM Panic That Forced Us Into the Sleeping Bag Baby Phase
It was 2:14 AM and my oldest son, Beauβwho's now four and continues to be my living, breathing cautionary tale for literally everythingβwas screaming. Not his usual "I lost my pacifier" sleep-grunt. The kind of panicked scream that makes your...
How a Simple Ribbed Onesie Saved My Sanity During a 3 AM Blowout
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. I'm dealing with Diaper #284, and containment has been fully breached. The biohazard has traveled up my 11-month-old's spine, past his shoulder blades, and is currently threatening his neckline. I'm sweating through my t-shirt,...
The Truth About Suction Bowls for Toddlers (And What Actually Works)
It was 6:13 PM on a random Tuesday, and I was wearing a grey college sweatshirt that used to belong to my husband Dave but was now permanently stained with what I desperately hoped was just pureed sweet potato. Maya,...
The Truth About Capri Leggings for Girls and Summer Knees
I was sitting in the back of my minivan in a Target parking lot last July, desperately trying to peel a pair of sweat-cemented, neon pink synthetic leggings off my screaming three-year-old, when I finally broke. The temperature in rural...
A Letter to My Past Self About the Physics of Baby Tableware
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen island, staring at a splatter of pureed sweet potato slowly seeping beneath the 'Esc' key of your favorite mechanical keyboard. You're holding a standard ceramic ramekin in...
Hunting Down The Discontinued Baby Jogger Vue: A Dad's Reality
I'm currently crouched behind a faux-reclaimed wood table at a Portland coffee shop, obsessively refreshing Facebook Marketplace on my phone while my 11-month-old attempts to deep-throat a cork coaster. Before I became a dad, my entire philosophy on gear was...
Why That Adorable Baby Girl Sweater Set is a Trap (And How to Survi...
There's a very specific, muffled grunting sound a three-month-old makes when you're trying to force her exceptionally wobbly, disproportionately large head through the unyielding neck-hole of a rigidly knitted garment. Itβs a noise that instantly broadcasts to the entire Costa...
Dear Past Tom: The Truth About Vintage Style Infant Dresses
Dear Tom of six months ago. It's 3 AM, and you're currently staring at your phone in the dark, bidding forty quid on a pair of authentic 1950s smocked baby gowns on eBay. Stop it immediately. Put the phone down,...
Why Fribourg Baby Stores Completely Ruined American Shopping For Me
We're standing on the freezing cobblestones outside the train station in the Canton of Fribourg, the airline has lost all three of our checked bags, and my 11-month-old is wearing a spit-up stained pajama top that smells heavily of expired...