Navigating the Newborn Crying Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind
My mother-in-law cornered me in my own kitchen while I was trying to microwave a mug of coffee that had already been reheated three times. I was wearing yogurt-stained maternity leggings that were legally too old to still be called...
My 3 AM Panic Over a Constipated Baby (And What Actually Works)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the edge of my bathtub wearing my husband Gregβs oversized Syracuse Lacrosse t-shirt, which had a suspicious spit-up stain on the shoulder that I had just decided to...
The NICU, My Sanity, And The Wild History Of The Coney Island Baby
3:17 AM. St. Jude's NICU. November. I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized grey hoodie that smelled distinctly like stale Dunkin Donuts and absolute panic, just sitting there staring at the translucent skin of my son Leo's tiny chest rising...
My Pediatric Triage Guide To Cheer Up Baby Without Going Crazy
My mother swore rubbing warm ghee on his feet would stop the screaming. The lactation consultant told me he was definitely cluster feeding and I just needed to nurse him for the fourteenth time that hour. Then my neighbor caught...
Raising Butcher Babies: The No-Nonsense Guide to Real Meat
There was a solid smear of greyish-brown turkey paste on my kitchen ceiling, and I was sitting on the floor crying next to a half-empty jar of baby food that smelled exactly like the wet food I buy for the...
The messy reality of bringing up baby on zero sleep
I spent six years working the pediatric floor at Rush, so you'd think buckling my own three-day-old son into his car seat would feel routine. It didn't. My husband was driving twenty miles an hour on the Kennedy expressway, knuckles...
My Unhinged, Exhausting Search For The Best Glass Baby Bottles
I was standing in my kitchen at 3:14 AM wearing my husband Danβs college sweatpants that had a questionable mustard stain on the knee, holding a supposedly pristine, top-of-the-line glass bottle while Maya screamed in the other room. I was...
I would like to see the baby and other newborn terrors
It's 3:18 AM in a freezing Chicago apartment. I'm holding a seven-pound alien that's currently shrieking like a defective smoke detector. My husband is dead asleep on the couch, entirely oblivious. I'm scrolling a forum with my free thumb and...
Jimmy Butler Baby Mama Drama: The Real Parenting Lessons
The biggest myth about rich people having kids is that their problems are completely foreign to us regular, exhausted moms wiping sweet potato off the ceiling. I totally bought into that fake reality until my group chat blew up about...