The honest guide: how to stop baby hiccups after feeding
The digital clock on the microwave glowed a hostile 3:14 AM, and the flat was finally entirely silent except for the low hum of the fridge. Florence, the slightly heavier of our twins, had just finished her bottle. I had...
What is the baby boo challenge? (And why I nearly called 999)
Itβs 7:14 am. Iβm currently wearing what used to be a relatively clean grey t-shirt, now aggressively Jackson Pollock-ed with mashed banana and something I strongly suspect is yesterdayβs sweet potato. The twins, Maya and Lily, are simultaneously screaming because...
Exactly What Is A Baby Fox Called? (And Other Garden Debates)
Don't confidently tell your two-year-old twins that the small, twitchy orange creature currently investigating a discarded nappy by your garden bins is a 'puppy.' I made this exact catastrophic error last Tuesday at 6:15 am, desperate for five more minutes...
What is a Baby Deer Called? (A Dad's Woodland Survival Guide)
Richmond Park is a very specific kind of purgatory at six-fourteen in the morning in late spring. The grass is entirely composed of freezing mud, the air is thick with that distinctly British drizzle that doesn't actually look like rain...
Welcome to the Baby Baby Baby Echo Chamber of Twin Parenting
I was standing in our galley kitchen at 4:13 in the morning, holding an electric kettle that I hadn't bothered to plug in, staring blankly at the wall while a rhythmic, pulsing chant echoed from the monitor clipped to my...
The Weird Baby Oil Diddy Drama Taught Me A Vital Skincare Lesson
I was elbow-deep in the bathtub trying to scrub a week-old, half-peeled Paw Patrol temporary tattoo off my oldest son's shoulder blade when my phone buzzed with the tenth internet joke of the morning. Between packing up fifteen monogrammed burlap...
Why Your Dog Freaks Out When the Kid Screams (A Father's Log)
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor at 3:14 AM. You have the tracking app open on your phone, verifying that the nursery is exactly 69.5 degrees with 44 percent humidity, and you...
Stop Taking My Chips I'm Just A Baby: A Dad's Survival Guide
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor at 4 PM, wedged between a pile of unopened mail and a rogue wellington boot, trying to negotiate with a toddler who has just hurled a...
My 11-Month-Old Daughter is Basically a 150-Pound Baby Walrus
Itβs 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The glow of my dual monitors is the only light in our Portland living room, casting long, depressing shadows over a floor entirely covered in colorful plastic debris. On the left screen, I've a...